


Always Never Not Loving You

by Freerangeegghead



Series: Make You Be My Love [2]
Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: Adulting, Angst, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Hope and Amy as young adults, Hope and Amy being adorable, Hope and Amy in college, Hope and Amy post high school, Love, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-05-14 05:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freerangeegghead/pseuds/Freerangeegghead
Summary: In which Hope and Amy try keep their love and relationship alive in the midst of college, real life, adulthood, friends and families. (Part 2 of series that starts with "Indefinitely, Maybe")





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: Rated T ~ M. Mature. Themes. Angst.
> 
> Warnings/Spoilers: Femslash. Post-canon. Mentions of canon. Spoilers for movie.
> 
> Genre: General. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Nothing owned, nothing gained, prose all author’s. Give credit where credit is due though. (Please don't download and upload again and pass it off as your own.)
> 
> Author’s note:Part 2 of "Indefinitely Maybe". Unbeta'ed. Mistakes mine.
> 
> PS Come check out my original stories at freerangeegghead (EgganRand) at wattpad.com. :-)

Halfway through a half-decent dream that Hope barely remembers  after, she is jolted by a call from her girlfriend, Amy. Her mind still sometimes wants to short circuit every time she realizes she's dating one of the dorkiest, nerdiest nerds that ever came out of Crockett High. That said dork and nerd is, in fact, her girlfriend, but then she also remembers that the said same nerd is the cutest, most adorable girlfriend there is, so even as her brain wants to short circuit, her heart seizes and she feels a surge of warmth and affection for this girl who's clearly captured her heart in the cheesiest, corniest way possible.

They've been together since the end of Hope's sophomore year, almost two years ago.

Now Hope is a senior at NYU, graduating in a few months' time and Amy is on her junior year at Columbia.

There were times when she had her doubts, when she thought they might not make it. But she'd been pleasantly surprised that they had much more in common than they thought. She'd always thought of Amy as just Molly's sidekick, but Amy is surprisingly her own person. Amy's quiet and introverted, where Molly was the more extroverted, loud one for starters. But Amy's personality fit Hope's personality, since Hope had always been more of a loner anyway. Amy is into books and music and movies, and Hope likes these as well, so much so that many a Saturday night has been spent just making out and cuddling and watching movies or listening to music or reading book. They differed in the type of music, movies and books they liked, and sometimes a good chunk of an hour would be spent arguing over whether they should watch yet another of Amy's Ken Burns documentaries or whether a film by Akira Kurosawa, a director Hope was interested in would be a better choice. Amy loves her documentaries and Hope likes her auteur filmmakers but usually they compromise and end up watching both anyway. As for music, Amy likes her girl power music, whilst Hope has a more classic, indie or folk inclination, but they converge on music that feature guitars and soft crooning and agree that Ed Sheeran, for all the rep that he gets, isn't all that bad and also agree that Bob Dylan is one of the greatest musicians of all time. His Nobel didn't hurt as well and when they'd heard he won a Nobel Prize, they'd gone and listened to his music and when Bob Dylan's song "Make Me Feel My Love" starts to play, Amy beside her, reading a book and mindlessly swaying to the music, Hope had looked at her and felt her heart soften at the sight of Amy just sitting there beside her. As for books, Amy likes feminist books by Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and Mary Wollstone Craft whereas Hope likes more eclectic, obscure or dense ones - books by David Foster Wallace , Salman Rushdie or Stephen Hawking or James Joyce. Amy had been surprised that Hope liked reading Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History in Time" and Hope had joked, "Not a basic hot girl like you thought, huh?" And Amy would smile and respond gamely, "No, you're not. You're more than that. In fact, finding out you read 'A Brief History in Time' just made you ten times hotter."

So Amy had learned a lot about her and Hope had learned a lot about her, too: the way she sometimes cries at sad movies, or the way she closes her eyes when she hears a song she likes, the way she loves the changing of the seasons, but especially how she loves winter...but she especially loves the the way Amy shows how much she cares for Hope. When Hope is sick, Amy is there with soup and meds and checks on her every hour on the hour. When Hope is feeling stressed, she'd make hot cocoa or offer her a massage or just a hug and tries to help her. When Hope feels like hulking out, Amy is there, calming her down.

Her relationship with Amy has expanded her circle in ways that she had not expected.

There's Molly, for one.  She feels Molly isn't exactly sold on the idea of Amy settling for Hope instead of some  gay version of an All-American, All-State Ivy League educated dude, because people don't change overnight, she'd at least tried to respect their relationship. Once the novelty of Amy finally getting a girlfriend wore off, Molly had gone back to, well, being Molly, with her fixation on position and status, or the acquisition thereof, and Hope had basically shut her up by saying, "I couldn't be less interested in what you think of me  and whoever the fuck you think I should be so you can accept me and our relationship. I care for Amy. That's it."

Molly had looked at her then and conceded, saying, "That's fair."

She'd overheard them once talking about how Hope isn't the right one for Amy, that she's in the wrong school and just the wrong everything for Amy. And though she knows Amy doesn't think that of her, that she's literally only ever nice to her, it still stung that Amy didn't stand up to Molly about them. But right after Amy had confessed her feelings at the quad, she'd also come clean about that conversation with Molly and had apologized to her about it. "I don't think you're just some random one night stand I had the night before graduation. I just wanted you to know that," Amy had said, earnest eyes intent on Hope's ones, because one of the things she's realized with Amy is that she's a terrible liar and if something bothers her, she'll come clean about it.  So while Molly hasn't exactly been the biggest supporter of their relationship, Hope and Molly have a tacit understanding that they be civil to each other, for Amy's sake.

When their other former high school classmates had found out about them even though they'd tried to be discreet about it, there'd been eyebrows raised, surprised reactions,  jokes and so on, but this had been few and far between. Most of the response had been positive - Ryan, Nick, Theo, Jared and Gigi, were happy for them. George didn't care either way, but Allan had been thrilled. Gigi had actually left a message for Amy telling her she was happy for them and that Amy will always be Gigi's soulmate.

Anabelle, who's sort of friends with Molly now, had even messaged her, a short and succinct, "Dude" and a wink emoticon, two girls holding hands emoticon and a rainbow with all that those implied. They aren't exactly friends, but she's probably the only other one in Crockett, aside from Amy, that she could stand, but that isn't saying much. Anabelle didn't care what other people thought and didn't bother Hope. She'd pretty much left Hope alone.

Her response to Anabelle, of course, is "Fuck you". Anabelle had only responded with  a peace sign and a smiley. When Amy drags Hope to visit Molly at Yale one weekend, and they see Anabelle at a party, Anabelle had just smiled at her. They end up chatting all night, sitting beside each other, as Hope draped her arm around Amy and Amy chatted with Molly. Mostly she and Anabelle would stare at Molly and Amy when they get too overly excited over a Ken Burns documentary, and Anabelle would look at her and make a face.

"Dude, seriously?"Anabelle would ask.

"Yeah, I know, " Hope would respond.

And Anabelle and Hope would look at each other and burst out laughing.

Hope had also met Amy's parents, Charmaine and Doug during one spring break when they both decided to skip Cabo and just go home instead.

When Hope had gone to Amy's for dinner, Molly in tow and she'd been introduced to Charmaine and Doug, Charmaine had said, "Oh, it's always nice to meet one of Amy's friends."

" _Special_ friend,"Molly had emphasized.

"Normal friend," Amy had said quickly, blushing.

"They're _really_ close," Molly had said, knowingly, tongue-in-cheek and when Charmaine and Doug had turned their backs, Amy and Hope had glared at her. Encouraged, Molly had continued, "They really like studying together. At the library."

Amy had blushed even more and Hope had tried not to smile, because they had been one of those cliched couples who did make out at the library.  Amy had stumbled at a section in the library that few people went to - at the back of circulation where the old books where and had been eagerly showing Hope books but they'd ended up making out instead.

Hope had smiled at the thought. Amy looked mortified. Molly just smiled evilly.

"How long have you known each other?"Doug had asked.

"Awhile,"Amy had responded, even as Hope had answered, "Not long".

Charmaine and Doug had paused, unsure how to go on and there's a particularly long, awkward silence before Charmaine starts talking about the meal she and Doug had prepared, springbreak themed food that started with spring rolls, spring chicken pot pie, spring pasta and spring "so long winter" fish fingers.

Amy had watched as Hope had knitted her eyebrows together, wrestled not to look disrespectful as she tried not to laugh, managing to stifle a smile even as Molly's grin grew wider.

Molly had then stayed with them after dinner and just to make everyone uncomfortable, had asked if she and Hope could stay and spend the night. Hope had glared at her, Molly had pretended to ignore her even as Charmaine and Doug said yes, awkward and uncomfortable.

At the last minute, Molly had pretended to have an appointment and had left Hope and Amy and as Amy walked Molly to the door, she could hear Molly chuckling and Amy saying, "Dude, fuck you, seriously", punctuated by "love you"s.

Later that night, before they slept o Amy's bed, Charmaine had worried that the bed wasn't big enough for Hope.

"Are you sure you will fit in there?"Charmaine had asked.

"Oh, I'm sure I will," Hope had said.

Amy had felt her face grow hot.Charmaine had smiled then and said good night to them. Later that night, Hope had shown her how much they really fit.

***

Amy's voice comes through her reverie.

"Hope?"

"Hey, Ames."

"Umm...you up?"

"I am now," Hope says, glancing at her watch. It's early evening. She'd fallen asleep studying.

"Sorry..."

"It's fine, don't worry about it,"Hope says with a smile even though she knows her girlfriend can't see her. "What's up?"

"Are you busy?"

Hope grins inspite of herself. Amy doesn't seem to notice it but whenever she asks that question it usually means she wants to hang out - which means a bit of Netflix, followed by light to heavy petting that will then move on to hot and heavy sex on Hope's bed. She says, "Amy, this isn't a booty call, is it? I mean, I'd love to but I'm kind of tired, the most I can do is cuddle..."

"Um, no..that's not why I'm calling..."

"Oh." Hope pauses. "A bit disappointing but I'll let it slide. What's going on?"

"Although...what are you doing later tonight?"

"What?"

"Um...wait...that's not why I'm calling..."

Hope chuckles. "Why _are_ you calling?

"Could...could you do me a favor?"

There's a pause and Hope can sense this is a huge one. She looks up at the ceiling, closes her eyes and sighs. "What did you do now?"

"Don't be mad..."

***

Standing there, waiting for Hope to come bail her out of jail, Amy leans against the iron bars, grips them with clammy fingers and sighs. Behind her, the prostitute with the gaudy make-up has gotten into a fight with the abrasive crackhead and the lady caught with the DUI,  the other one caught violating her parole, the girl caught stealing tampons and the teacher caught sending inappropriate pictures to a minor via Snapchat all sit back and watch. Either no one's bailing them or they just like the idea of jail. The police had separated her from the other protesters so she's stuck with these women. Divide and conquer. Classic. She'd used her one phone call after she'd been read her Miranda Rights on calling Hope and though Hope had sounded neutral, she cannot imagine feeling happy about bailing Amy out. She'd been arrested once for underage drinking the night before graduation. This is her second arrest, but hopefully it's a bit more noble. She'd been arrested protesting the abortion policies spreading throughout the South and she thinks this one is a bit better.

A uniformed officer, gut hanging out of his belt, uniform too tight, scruffy beard and face red, bored and cynical, comes in.

"Jones!" he says, looking right at Amy.

"That's...not my name,"Amy says.

"Don't care. It's always some kid named Jones,"he says, keys jingling as he lets Amy out. The other women stand and flock towards him, hissing and heckling him. "Knock it off!" he says.

"Your lucky day, Jones,"

***

Hours later, Amy and Hope are coming out of jail, freezing in the late, cool night. They could smell spring in the air, and the snow is slowly melting. Hope has come to love this moment. She especially loves it even more, knowing she can share moments like this with Amy. She looks at Amy now.

"Do I even want to know why you got arrested?" Hope asks her.

Amy smiles sheepishly. "Um...protest gone wrong in front of Planned Parenthood?"

"And...?"

"Well, someone threw a box of tampons..."

" What? Why? Throw where?"

"At the pro-life protesters...in protest of the proposed abortion law in Georgia..."

"Why would anyone throw a box of tampons? Shouldn't you be, like, throwing...I don't know...hangers or something...?"

"I don't know," Amy says. "Anyway, it wasn't me. Just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Didn't someone throw a box of tampons at your MeToo protest, too?"

"Er, yeah..." Amy says.

"Is it that really intense friend of yours, Linda? 'Cause she's freaky..."

"Um, yeah," Amy says. She pauses then says, "Look, I know you think this is just some meaningless protest..."

Hope stops then, looks at Amy. "I don't think it's a meaningless protest..."

"You don't?"

Hope nods. "A woman should have the right to her own body. No one should make that decision for her."  

Amy looks at her with new eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah,"Hope says. "I know you think I don't support some of your shit and you think I'm a mean bitch but...I do care..."

Amy slowly smiles.

"That doesn't mean I forgive you for waking me so I can bail you over a box of tampons..."

"I'm sorry,"Amy mutters.

Hope looks at her. "But maybe you can make it up to me later..."

Amy grins. "Your place or mine?"

Hope grins back. She loves the physical intimacy that comes with their relationship. Is surprised she actually enjoys being in a relationship and enjoys the hell out of her relationship with Amy. Who would've thought the dorky girl from high school is this good in bed? Those first few months together, when they weren't busy or exhausted they'd make love for hours on end in Hope's room, trading and trying out different positions, experimenting, taking pleasure and delight in each other's bodies, Amy running her hand on Hope's body, her eyes raking her in with such desire her look alone was enough to turn Hope on, Amy's fingers reverent on Hope's skin, tongue slow and hot and swirling on Hope's skin, licking Hope where she wanted  to, touching and caressing her where she wanted to be touched until she'd drive Hope over the edge, tumbling into wave upon wave of orgasms, as Amy slipped inside her, slow and sure and sexy. And when it was Hope's turn and she'd roll Amy on her back, Hope would reach down and feel her wetness, touch her, driving her crazy as she moans and holds Hope and moves against her and when she enters Amy it feels amazing, feeling Amy, being inside her, able to give her this much pleasure and leaving her wanting more.

No one, least of all Hope, had predicted that she and Amy would hook up. No one would've even guessed they'd eventually end up being in a relationship and Hope is sometimes surprised, at how they got here.

But later when they are in Hope's bedroom, making love, Hope is never more certain that she loves this girl, no matter what challenges may come their way. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehm...
> 
> So, this started out a little differently but ended up being this? So sorry. Read at your own risk. Because themes. Cheers.

Hope wakes up to Amy kissing her as the early morning sunlight streams through the window. They'd spent the night just talking to each other about the new Hearbeat Law in Georgia and what that would imply to those who would need an abortion. Amy had felt very passionate about it, as she always had been with a lot of issues, even though she herself wasn't sure about having kids in the future.

"You don't want kids?" Hope had asked, surprised.

Amy had shrugged. "Yeah. Not sure yet."

"Wow, I kind of thought you would,"Hope had commented. "I mean I bet you'd either want to homeschool your kid because you probably think the quality of the  American educational system is, you know, like, atrociously bad or whatever or you'll choose some weird school like a Montessori or a Waldorf school where they just play with blocks and pretend it's something else..."

"I don't think the American education system is terrible..." When Hope just looks at her, Amy says, "Okay, fine, I do think it kind of is but I'm not sure I'd let my kid get into some Waldorf school...'cause I don't know how that might affect him or her..."

"Hey, I'm a Waldorf kid..."

"Exactly."

"Fuck you."

"Alright, maybe I'll consider it,"Amy concedes with a smile. "But yeah, not sure about those kids..."

"Aaww...but you'd make a great mom," Hope continues with a teasing smile. "You'd name our kid hippie gender neutral names like Zappa or Breeze or Skye with an 'e' or with any luck, Rainbow. They'd go around in Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls and birkenstocks, they'd be allergic to everything and will insist on eating only kale and glutten-free food, they'd be in college by the time they're twelve and will probably die a virgin."

Amy's heart had seized at how casually Hope had said "our kid". Hope doesn't even notice it as she proceeds to describe in detail what their hypothetical kid would look like. "Thick glasses, polo shirt and bow tie, asthma, probably pansexual...will probably be hot as fuck..."

Amy smiles, feels her heart soften. Hope doesn't notice the change in her demeanor, only thinks she's just amused at what Hope is saying. Hope grabs a notepad and quickly sketches what the kid would look like. She'd taken an art class as an elective so she could storyboard her ideas better. Amy had been impressed at her single-minded focus. Hope now triumphantly shows Amy her sketch.

Amy tilts her head. "Um..." She pauses, knits her eyebrows. "Our kid kind of looks like a predator."

Hope draws her eyebrows together in that cute way that Amy really likes as she looks at her sketch again. "What?"

"Yeah, our kid looks like a sex offender in the making..."

Hope studies her sketch. She lets out a deep breath. "Fuck...you're right. Or like an online predator..."

"Who just lost his laptop or something," Amy adds.

Hope chuckles. "I'm a bad sketch artist," she says. "Anyway...With you as their mom, they would probably have found a cure for cancer by thirty, won the Nobel at forty, is president by fifty,"Hope finishes. "Take that,Molly Davidson."

Amy smiles. "Molly would die," she comments.

Hope shrugs. "What? With you and me as their parents, Molly and the world won't stand a chance." Then Hope's face darkens. "Oh, _fuck_. You're going to fucking make Molly a godmother, aren't you?"

Amy is shaking her head then, smiling, completely overwhelmed.

"What?" Hope asks. "You're looking all funny and...think- _y_..."

"I just..."Amy says, stops, feels her voice break, feels the lump in her throat. Unable to continue, she surges forward instead and tackles Hope to the bed with a kiss.

Hope is surprised but not overly so and she automatically kisses Amy back, bringing her hands to Amy's face as Amy's kisses grow more urgent, hands roaming and caressing, taking off Hope's shirt, bra and shorts in one swoop and making Hope come in record time,  thoughts of the American education system and children forgotten.

***

Amy's kissing a trail down her neck now, then to her chest, tongue swirling around Hope's breasts, lips teasing Hope as Hope moans, long, tapering hands coming up to urge Amy to go where she wants her to. But Amy knows Hope's body enough, has mapped the geography of her body,  knows it like the back of her hand, to know what turns her on, what would drive her crazy and how to make her pleasure last. Judging by her moans of pleasure, the way her eyes are closed and the way her body moves she is liking what Amy is doing. Hope isn't shy about letting Amy know what makes her feel good, urging her on with murmurred encouraging words, as her hands caress and  her body moves against her. As Amy kisses and licks down Hope's body, kissing her on the inside of her impossibly long thighs, Hope feels like she can't take it anymore, one hand fisting Amy's hair, the other holding on to the headboard. When Hope feels Amy's warm breath on her, followed by her tongue, Hope almost loses it, almost squeezes Amy's head between her thighs, the heels of her feet digging against Amy's naked back. Amy is gentle as she licks Hope into a wave of orgasm, and when Hope comes, Amy comes up to hold her, kissing her on her throat and breasts and every inch of naked skin she can find as she enters her. Hope feels like she's dying, like the world is melting away, and all she can see is Amy moving against her, bringing her into another orgasm and another and another.

Her hand searches between Amy's thighs as Amy keeps moving against her. She feels Amy's warmth and wetness and when she enters her, she hears Amy's trembling intake of breath and an involuntary, "Hope, fuck..." escaping her lips which encourages Hope even more and when Amy comes Hope looks at her, moving on top of her, eyes closed in pleasure and Hope can only hold her tight and kiss her.

***

" _Petit mort_ ," Amy had said once.

"What?" Hope had asked, distractedly as she flips a page of her book, Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love" playing in loop on the background. "Voldemort has a brother?" she jokes.

Amy had rolled her eyes. "It means the little death."

"What is?"

"Orgasms,"Amy says. "Everytime you have an orgasm, it feels like a little death," she explains.

It had been the first time Amy had shyly broached the idea of oral sex. They'd been together a few months then before Amy had brought it up. Hope had been amused at how Amy had blushed, right after she'd come to Hope's dorm with a box of muffins, because of course she did and when Amy had told her how she loves muffins and how she loves butter in her muffins, Hope had valiantly tried to keep a straight face at how adorably dorky and clueless Amy was. Amy had proceeded to tell her how she loved tacos, too and Hope couldn't help but say, "Bet you love clams, too...and french fry dips...and burgers...furry ones..."

"Furry burgers?"Amy had asked, before it dawned on her that Hope had been teasing her.

Hope had chuckled then.

As Hope watched her, smiling at this cute girlfriend she has and Amy asks her, "What?"  Hope had just shaken her head and said, "Nothing, you're just cute," Amy had stopped then, dropped the uneaten, buttered muffin back in the box and quietly told Hope, "I want to try something."

Hope had watched her then, curious. Amy was looking like that time when they hooked up in Nick's bathroom the night before graduation, when she'd gotten Hope naked and had stopped, looked up, as if she was figuring out a difficult calc problem before realizing she has to take her clothes off, too. And because Hope is anything but encouraging and supportive and curious about what Amy had in mind, she smiles at her, puts her book on the side table and says, "Okay. Try."

And Amy slowly crawls up to her, nervous and uncertain, as she kisses her, full of want. She takes off her shirt, then her shorts and underwear and as Hope waits for her to continue, Amy kisses her down her body before she slides between Hope's legs, pauses, looks up at Hope, waiting for permission. Hope nods, one hand already clutching the sheets, the other just resting on Amy's head, licking her lips in anticipation. It's all the permission Amy needs. She reaches for Hope's thighs and buries her head between them. When Hope feels Amy's tongue swirling against her, she almost sees stars, feeling a thousand different sensations as her body bucked in pleasure. As Amy slowly licked her to an orgasm, all Hope can think of is how far Amy had come from their bathroom hook-up.

***

"What the _fuck_...you're like a fucking hummingbird," Hope had whispered later that first time, still reeling from the orgasm Amy had just given her. "Where the fuck did you learn to do that?"

"Errr..."Amy had hesitated. "Google?"

"Google?"

"...And some documentaries..."Amy had said sheepishly. "Sexy documentaries."

"What? Do you mean, _porn_?"Hope had asked teasingly. "Are you telling me my girlfriend, Amy, is into porn? I thought you thought porn hurts women."

Amy had blushed at that. "Umm...it was for research."

Hope had regarded her then. Because of course Amy would fucking do research about oral sex. She's such a nerd. Not that Hope is complaining. She couldn't really complain if she's reaping the benefits of Amy's meticulous research.

***

Hope remembers this now as she lies there catching her breath, Amy lying on top of her, both of them sweaty and sated. Hope's hand comes up to hold Amy and Amy raises her head and kisses her. She is moving against Hope again, against Hope's moaning protest, but then Amy's phone rings and as Amy lifts her body up to reach for her phone on the side table, Hope pulls her back and says, "Uh-uh, don't answer that. Don't start something you can't finish."

"It could be important,"Amy protests as Hope tries to get her phone.

"Who is it?" Hope demands to know.

Amy looks at her sheepishly. "Molly."

Hope snatches her phone and presses end.

"Hope!" Amy protests. "That was rude. What if it's an emergency?"

Hope rolls her eyes. "What, is she going to ask you who's the top and who's the bottom? Is she going to ask if we use strap-ons or something? 'Cause I think your best friend's goal in life is to blueball me to death."

Amy shakes her head and smiles. "Of course, not. Although, strap-ons..." And then she gets lost in thought again.

Before Hope could say anything, Hope's phone rings this time. Hope grabs her phone and sees that it's still Molly. Fucking Molly. How she ended up letting Amy give her best friend Hope's number is beyond her.

Before she can end the call, Amy has grabbed the phone and answered it.

"Dude, hey,"Amy says. "Now isn't a good time." Amy sits up on Hope's thighs, hand on Hope's chest to keep her from distracting her.

"Dude, hey, morning,  this is an emergency."

Amy makes a triumphant face. "Oh, an emergency?"

Hope rolls her eyes as her fingers creep towards Amy's chest. Amy swats Hope's hands away. Hope grins. She loves a challenge. She sits up, pulling Amy against her as Amy talks to Molly on the phone. Amy tries to resist, but then Hope is rubbing her back, touching her thigh, kissing her on her neck, fingers sliding into Amy's groin. Amy's eyes grow large, she inhales and tries to push Hope's hand away, but she's also moving against her hand. Hope grins as she slides into Amy. Amy's eyes close and she tries to bite back the moan trying to escape her lips as she hums her agreement mindlessly to whatever Molly is saying on the other line.

"Oh, my god,"Molly's voice, crystal clear and annoyed, comes through on the other line. "Are you guys having sex right now? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Amy's eyes fly open then. "What? No. _No_. Fuck, no." She glares at Hope then and weakly tries to push Hope's hand away from her, but Hope just smiles and keeps on moving.

"What the fuck,Amy, gross,"Molly says in disgust.

"Hang _up_ ," Hope says to Amy then, lips against Amy's.

"Is that Hope?"Molly says then.

"Fuck you,"Hope says to the phone then.

"Hope,"Amy admonishes her as she  pushes her back then turns to the phone. "Molly, can I call you back? Sure. We'll think about it."

"What did she want?" Hope demands.

"You...are very bad,"Amy says, as she tries to lightly hit Hope on the shoulders.

Hope laughs as she catches Amy's hands, kisses them and says, "What did she want?"

"She wants to know if we can come visit her next weekend. Apparently there's some big party and she wants us to be there like, as wingmen? Wingpersons, or something," Amy says. "Plus it's her birthday, sort of, so."

Hope groans. "Doesn't she already have Anabelle for that?"

Amy shrugs. "The more the merrier, I guess."  Amy had twined her fingers with Hope's then as Hope looks at her.

"Hey, didn't Molly ban me from attending Yale parties because I, quote unquote, I scare people?"

"Umm...that wasn't exactly what she said,"Amy says. "But she says you can come if you promise to behave. Ever since nerdgate, she's kind of anxious you'll embarass her."

"Nerdgate?" Hope asks, rolling her eyes at the term, because of course they had a term for it. Hope is actually more offended they called it that than she is about Molly banning her from her stupid Yale parties.

That time they'd gone to visit Molly and Hope and Anabelle had hung out just chatting, they'd both gone out for a smoke and when they came back, someone had already taken Hope's place, some douche-y guy in a La Coste shirt with the collar popped up, sunglasses on his head, a very bad tan, Uggs and ripped jeans chatting up Amy. His arm is draped around the back of the couch, tips of his fingers touching Amy's shoulder. He'd looked like he'd already had a lot to drink. Amy looks uncomfortable but polite. Hope had casually approached and caught parts of his conversation with Amy, "You know, what strikes me is the fact that in our society, art has become something which is related only to objects and not to individuals, or to life. That art is something which is specialized or which is done by experts who are artists. But couldn't everyone's life become a work of art? Why should the lamp or the house be an art object, but not our life?"

When Amy sees Hope, Amy smiles painfully and says, "Uh, Tom, this is...uh, Hope..."

Hope had raised an eyebrow as Tom stands up, transfers his cup of beer from his right hand to his left then offers his hand to Hope. Hope ignores his hand and looks at him. "Hey, Tom. Are you trying to impress my girlfriend with quotes from Michel Foucalt?"

"Well, every discourse, even a poetic or oracular sentence, carries with it a system of rules for producing analogous things and thus an outline of methodology," Tom continues, but as the thought dawns on him, he looks at Hope, then at Amy and blushes.

"Oh, my god," Hope says then. "And Jacques Derrida, too?"

"Hope,"Amy says, putting a hand on Hope's arm. "He was just talking to me..."

"It's cool,"Hope says, "I just can't believe someone who's spent, what, 65? 75,000 dollars for Yale can't even come up with an original thought just to get laid."

Tom blushes even more deeply, nervously pushing his eyeglasses up as he apologizes, "Uh, sorry...I didn't...err...ah..."

Anabelle watches Hope and Tom, fascinated by the exchange as Amy tries to get between them. When Molly comes back, with a cup and a cheery, "Hey! What did I miss?"

Anabelle's amused eyes move to Hope and Tom and Molly stops, stares at them. Anabelle smirks.

"Don't you have some massive Hummer you drive to overcompensate for your small weiner, parked somewhere and pissing people off?"

"Tom?"Molly asks. "Tom is from my study group...I..."

"I've got to go,"Tom says quickly, tripping over himself to get away.

"Yeah, you do that,"Hope says, smug and smirking.

"Yup, that NYU education sure came in handy,"Anabelle comments as they watch Tom scramble away.

"What, you think only Yale and Columbia have their own share of brainy students?" Hope asks with a smirk.

Anabelle shakes her head. "Nope. Definitely not."

"Hope, what the fuck?"Molly asks. "I have to study with the guy."

"He was being a douchebag,"Hope says.

"What the hell?"

"Sorry, Davidson. He was an asshole."

Anabelle nods. "He was. Tried to hit on me this one time. Kicked him in the nads. I mean, I like sex sure, but that doesn't mean I'm a fucking slut. What the fuck seriously."

"Hope,"Amy says.

"Sorry, babe, had to be done," Hope says then. "Not being jealous or possessive. Just pissed at guys like that."

"It's fine, I've been trying to get rid of him," Amy says. She turns to Molly. "Sorry, Mol, he was being a douche."

***

Hope smiles thinking about Tom trying to hit on Amy.

"Anyway, yeah,"Amy says now. "Got a test I have to review for. Can I use your shower?"

Hope rolls her eyes. "Ames, we've been together a couple of years now. You don't need to keep asking that."

"Ah...haha, yeah, right,"Amy says sheepishly.

"You know where the towels are, babe," Hope says, the word just slipping out. "Got to take a nap. Wake me when you're done."

"Okay."

Amy grabs her phone and checks her messages before she takes a shower.

There's just one message, from Molly.

_Hey! Congrats! Have you told Hope yet?_

Amy looks at Hope, already buried deep in her blanket, fast asleep.

She bites her lower lip, sighs silently and types back, _No_ , sends it before she deletes the message.

 _Why?_ Molly types back quickly.

_I've...just been busy with #MeToo and the new Georgia law and PFLAG and school and...just haven't had the time to tell her...frankly, I don't know how to..._

_???_ Molly types back. _Better get around to telling her. She'll be pissed you didn't. Talk to you soon._

Amy quickly replies to that and gets into the shower, thinking about Molly has said.

Standing under the shower, hot shower running over her body, Amy thinks about what Molly has said. How is she going to break it to Hope? She knows Hope isn't going to be mad, but also she'd kept it from her for longer than usual. She'd meant to tell her and she kept putting it off and now it's almost the end of the semester.

As she steps out of the shower, she hears Hope knock on the door.

"Hey, you done?" Hope asks.

"Yeah, why?"

"Um, my mom's coming for some stupid surprise visit. She'll be here in awhile..."

Amy yanks the bathroom door so hard Hope almost falls forward.

"What?" Amy asks.

"Um, yeah, it was kind of last minute, sorry," Hope says. "Do you want to stay?"

Amy looks at her, unsure.

"...'Cause...I'd like you to meet her..."

Amy stands there, unable to say anything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehm...
> 
> Well, this is unexpected. Another update for you guys, inspired by your encouraging comments. Thank you for the comments and kudos. Expanded our characters' worlds a bit more - there's a bit of world-building going on here. Hope you enjoy. Happy reading! Cheers!

Hope quickly showers as Amy dresses. When Hope emerges from the shower to see Amy wearing the same clothes from yesterday, she says, "Maybe wear something else? You have some fresh clothes in the closet."

Amy knits her eyebrows. "Since when do I have clothes here?"

Hope rolls her eyes as Amy goes through the clothes in the closet. "Since you keep leaving yours here and keep wearing mine whenever you sleep over. I want my gray NYU shirt back."

Amy smiles as she leans over and touches a shirt. "So that's where my shirt went! I've been looking all over for this."

"Yeah, you have some of your granny underwear in my drawer, too, 'cause you seem to have a thing for leaving them with me,"Hope says with a smirk. "You'll know it's yours because it's cotton and it has the names of the days of the week on 'em."

Amy blushes. "My mom insists on buying me those."

"Yeah, I figured,"Hope says. "It's dorky but cute."She comes up behind Amy and kisses her on the neck. "Maybe I should come with you next time you shop for new underwear."

Amy's blush grows deeper. "Um..ha-ha..."she says, laughing nervously. "Sure...I guess..."

Hope kisses her again. "You're cute when you get flustered." She puts her arms around Amy then and whispers,voice low and teasing, "Would love to see you naked again, your head thrown back and your body on fire, but my mom's coming soon so raincheck on the lovefest."

Amy swallows and smiles, feels her body heat up from Hope's kisses and touches and words but Hope's already let her go and is grabbing a white shirt and her signature tight jeans. She catches a glimpse of impossibly long legs and feels her face grow even warmer. How is Hope this hot? And how the fuck did she get so lucky? She isn't blind. She's seen both men _and_ women hit on Hope even when Amy is right _there_.

Once while they were at the supermarket for example a random guy had hit on Hope while they were debating the merits of apples and oranges - Amy had been on a mission to make Hope eat healthier food and not just Cheetos, Doritos, instant noodles and twinkies.

"What, those have...nutrients..." Hope had claimed.

Amy had looked at her. "Oh, yeah? Name one."

Hope looks up at the ceiling. "Um,off the top of my head? Calcium? Iron? Vitamin A? B6?"

Amy looks at her, makes a face. "What? No," she says, incredulous.

Hope shakes her head. "It's true. You can google it right now."

Amy is already whipping her phone out now. "You know, if you're wrong, we're so not having sex for a week."

"What the fuck?"Hope half-laughs. "That's harsh. Even for you."

Amy shrugs. "You started it."

Hope sidles up to Amy then. "Alright. Gloves are coming off. What happens if _you_ lose?"

Amy looks up from typing. "What do you want?"

Hope raises an eyebrow, grabs an orange and tosses it in the air with a smirk. "Loser gets to give orgasms but not receive 'em."

Amy considers this. "You're on."

Hope chuckles. "Okay."

Seconds later, the page loads on Amy's phone and Hope grins. Hope peers on her phone.

"What? This can't be right,"Amy says, looking at her phone. "Cheetos has calcium and iron? Doritos has vitamin A and B6?"

Hope grins triumphantly. "Told you. I start collecting later."

As Hope laughs and Amy vainly tries to argue Hope just shrugs and says, "You lost. Deal with it, nerd."

As they continued to argue and bicker about oranges at the fruit section, a young man comes up, stands beside them, looking at the oranges. Tall, pale, blond hair in dreads, wearing a Henley and low waist jeans, he glances at Hope once or twice, before he leans over and with orange in one hand, says, "You know, oranges are not the only fruit."

Hope and Amy ignore him as they move on to the next aisle but then the guy tries to touch Hope's hand, "Hey..."

Hope doesn't even think about it. She grabs the man's fingers in her hand and twists his fingers, then his arm, so hard he groans and says, "Dude, ow...!"

"Hope..." Amy says.

"Touch me again, asshole and I'll break your arm."

"I...I just wanted your number," the man had said, grimacing, swear breaking out of his forehead.

"I'm sorry, was my ignoring your douche-y ass not clear enough that I wasn't interested?" Hope asks.  

"Sorry, sorry," the man says. "My hand...let go of my hand..."

"And also? 2010 called. They want your douche-y cultural appropriation shit back."

Hope had let his hand go and he'd quickly run away.

Another time, at a coffee shop, when the server had given them their orders, Hope's cup had the server's number on it. Hope had just chuckled and ignored it.

Even Amy's R.A. had tried to hit on Hope once but Hope had shut him down even before the question had been out of his mouth. "Nope, sorry, not interested."

Even Anabelle and Molly had watched first hand how Hope had shut down one of Anabelle's T.A.s when he had tried to hit on Hope, Hope had said, "I'm sorry, there's an IQ prerequisite," and she then looks at Amy and smiles. Amy feels her heart melt.

***

So Amy is still sometimes amazed that Hope chose her, when she could have her pick of any person in New York. At twenty two, Hope is a strikingly pretty woman, tall, with dark hair and dark eyes and the kind of easy smile people would kill to see again. Hope is attractive but rarely approachable but she had a strange sense of humor that Amy seemed to get more easily and a fierce intelligence and articulateness that surprised Amy. So it makes her heart expand with love for this girl she's so clearly and desperately in love with.

"Amy, my mom's going to be here any second now, so you should probably put on some pants," Hope interrupts Amy's thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, right," Amy says. "Um, Hope, does your mom know I exist?"

"Um, I've mentioned you but nothing specific." When she sees Amy putting on some faded pants that ended just above her ankles Hope says, "My mom is..." She clears her throat, "Quite a character. So maybe not those pants." When she sees Amy putting on brightly colored rainbow socks, Hope says, "Not those either. Sorry, babe."

"Okay," Amy says. "Uh, for purposes of getting our story straight for your mom...are we dating?"

"Uh, no."

"Are we having sex?"

"Not quite there yet."

"So I guess we don't mention oral sex?"

Hope stares at her. "Why would we mention oral sex?"

"Sorry, you're right." Then something dawns on her. "Uh, wait, are you out to your parents?" Amy asks.

"Do people even do that these days?" Hope says lightly.

"Hope..."

"Okay...I may have mentioned that I may probably be a little bit gay..."

Amy stops. "A little bit gay?" She asks. "How can someone be a little bit gay?"

Hope smiles sheepishly.

"Hope...we've been having sex for over two years exclusively,"Amy says. "I don't think that's a little bit gay."

"No, you're right, sorry,"Hope says. "I just...I never got around to it." As she watches Amy flash a white shirt at her and Hope nods, Hope says, "Besides, it's not like coming out is like this panacea that everyone's making it out to be...I mean, you're out to your parents and I could swear they look at me weird whenever they see me. Like they're going to hurl or have a full-on panic or I don't know, freak out or whatever."

"They're not..." Amy says, trying to come up with the words to explain her parents and how they act around Hope. "Okay, they don't..." She stops. "Ugh...Ah...okay...they act weird around you, fine. But they're...weird around everyone. Okay, weirder with you than with Molly but...I promise you they're okay with you."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door, Hope runs a hand on her hair and Amy quickly runs a clammy hand on her shirt and jeans.

"Ready?" Hope asks, hand on the doorknob.

Amy shakes her head. "No, I..."

But then Hope opens the door, to Hope's mom, and Amy's jaw falls open.

***

Looking at Hope's Mom, Joyce, as she steps in to Hope's room, Amy can see where Hope gets her looks. Joyce isn't just attractive in the conventional sense, she's attractive in the moviestar sense, tall and elegant and sharp in her sensible, beige tailored suit, heels and matching pearl earrings and necklace. With her straight, shiny, silky dark hair and dark eyes accentuated with light make-up, she looks like a cross between Julia Roberts and Anne Hathaway, and looks more like Hope's older sister than her mother. She looks sharp,  glamorous, poised, oozing with confidence. Everything that Amy isn't and hopes to be. She tries to recall if she'd ever seen Hope's mom at school but thinks she hasn't.

Amy swallows as Joyce steps in, Louis Vuitton bag in one hand, as she takes in Hope's room, first with curiosity, then with distate.

"Hope, we could've just gotten you your own apartment," she comments. "This place looks like a hovel."

Hope rolls her eyes. "It's fine, mom. I wanted the full college experience."

"I know but still," her mom says. "Let me look at you." She moves to hug Hope. "I've missed you, honey. Your grandparents won't stop asking me why you didn't get into Cornell or Darthmouth."

"I know, mom,"Hope says. "I know."

"They're still not over it," Joyce says. "In fact, they blame me for you being in NYU. Or for not majoring into something sensible like law or medicine. They think it's my fault you've broken tradition. They think they went to all that trouble with that donation for nothing."

"What, that ugly ass building they donated?" Hope asks. "Because that's one less thing people will give me shit about."

"Hope, language," Joyce says. "And why do you keep wearing these shirts? Do you not have any money for decent clothes?"

"Mom!" Hope whines. "Stop it. I missed you, too." She steps away from her mom and turns to Amy. "Mom, this is Amy."

"Oh, you have company,"Joyce says. She offers her hand. "I'm Joyce, Hope's mom. Pleasure to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you," Amy says nervously. Hope casually puts a hand on the small of Amy's back, a gesture that Amy finds reassuring.

Joyce's eyes flick to Hope's hand moving to Amy's back but doesn't say anything. She turns to Hope instead. "Did I come at a bad time? I was hoping we could have brunch. But I could have come some other time. I'm staying at the Marriot, we can have dinner there..."

Hope is about to say something but Amy quickly says, "Um, no, it's fine. I was just leaving actually. I was just...um...studying...I mean, I was absent from class and..."

"Aren't you Hope's friend from Crockett?" Joyce asks. "The one who gave the speech?"

Amy shakes her head. "No, that's my best friend, Molly."

"Ah,"Joyce nods. An awkward silence ensues, everyone standing around not knowing what else to say. "Well," Joyce finally says. "It's always wonderful to meet Hope's friends."

"Normal friend,"Amy automatically says.

Hope and Joyce both look at her at the same time, Joyce puzzled, Hope looking like she's just swallowed a cactus.

"I'm sorry?" Joyce asks.

Amy is shaking her head. "Err, nothing. We're just friends. I just spent the night here because, well, it's safer than taking the subway to go back to my dorm on the other side of Manhattan. I mean, we're just literally sleeping together...but not like, sleeping together, metaphorically." Amy laughs nervously. "And there's definitely, _definitely_ no oral sex, I promise you that." When she realizes what she's said, she blushes, clamps her mouth shut.

Hope closes her eyes. "Amy, _please_ stop."

Joyce raises one perfect eyebrow, studies Amy, clears her throat and finally smiles, amused.  "Well, aren't you a lovely young lady," she finally says. "Hope, you are inviting your friend to your brother's wedding?"

Amy looks at Hope, a question in her eyes. A brother? A wedding? This is news to her.

"Um..." Hope says, shifting her weight from one foot to the next. "I haven't actually mentioned it to anyone at all."

"Nonsense,"Joyce says. "Amy, please do come. Forgive my daughter's manners. We'd love to have you." She considers Hope then. "You _are_ coming, yes?"

"Yeah, _mother_ ," Hope responds.

" _Yes_ ," her mom says.

"Yeah."

Amy's blush grows deeper. "Um, I guess I have to go. Sorry."

"I'll walk you," Hope offers. When Amy protests, Hope insists. "Mom, give me a sec, I'll be back in a few."

Outside, in the deserted hallway, Amy is profuse with apologies.

"I'm so sorry,"Amy says, hands on her face. "I just kept rambling on like an idiot."

Hope chuckles. "It's fine. So worth it to see my mom's face when you mentioned oral sex."

"Do you think she suspects we're having sex?"

"No," Hope says sarcastically.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah," Hope continues. "She probably thinks we conjugate Latin verbs, just like Molly."

"What?"

But then Hope bursts out laughing and Amy realizes she's joking. "I'm sorry,"Amy says then.

"Yeah. Maybe next time don't lie," Hope advises her. "You know you're bad at lying."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry,"Amy says. "Um, your mom, your brother, wedding, Darthmouth?"

Hope nods. "Yeah, about that. Can we talk about it later?"

Amy nods. "Okay."

Hope comes up to her then, leans over, puts her hands on Amy's face and kisses her.

"Okay?"Hope whispers.

"Okay,"Amy whispers back.

***

The days pass though and  as Hope's final requirements for senior year come up, especially her thesis and finals, her mind becomes preoccupied with classes and the occassional submission of job application letters and resumés.

Amy becomes busy with classes as well, as she always does when finals loom, staying at the library to do research on papers that needed to be submitted, reviewing for tests, creating projects and joining study groups. When she receives messages from Molly such as "When are you leaving?" and "Have you told Hope yet? How did she take it?" she is reminded that she has emails and other paperwork to sort through and arrangements to be made.

She and Hope call each other, Skype, message each other, send pictures and gifs while they are apart. Amy feels the burden of not being able to tell her loom over her and she feels the guilt eat her away.

Finals week comes and goes and when it's finally over and done, Amy shows up with a wine bottle in one hand and Chinese take-out in the other.

"Hey," Hope says, barefoot and in shorts and a tee.

"Hey," Amy says back. She raises the bottle and the plastic bag of take out and smiles. She hands to Hope as she enters and Hope shuts the door with her bare foot, one hand holding the bottle, the other holding the food.

"What's all these?" Hope asks with a smile.

"We're celebrating, you graduate soon, I finally get to be a senior next year, yay us," Amy says with a grin.

Hope grins, as Amy steps forward and kisses her. "I've missed you,"Amy whispers.

"Missed you, too, nerd," Hope says as she kisses her back.

As Hope follows her to the bed, putting the wine and food on the table, Amy takes the boxes out, hands Hope her chopsticks and they  both start eating. Hope peers into Amy's box and sticks her chopsticks.

"Stop it,"Amy says. "Stop stealing my food."

"Make me,"Hope challenges.

Amy rolls her eyes. "I'm not taking that bait."

Hope chuckles. "Your food always looks better,"Hope says. "Tastes better, too."

Amy smiles at her fondly and they eat in comfortable silence.

Hope hesitates before saying, "Um, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Uh. Nothing much, why?"

"It's about...my brother's wedding,"  Hope says, hesitant. "Can you...like, come with me or whatever?"

Amy stops, considers this, tilts her head and looks at her. She slowly smiles. "What, as your wedding date?"

Amy sees Hope blush in one of those rare moments that she does. She breaks eye contact and looks away, looking bashful as she turns to look at her food, studying it intently. "Uh, yeah, I guess so."

Amy laughs and leans over to kiss Hope. "I'd love to."

Hope exhales a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god."

"Why?"

Hope laughs sheepishly. "I kind of already told my mom you'd come?"

"Ah,"Amy says. "Was there any reason you'd think I wouldn't say yes?"

Hope shrugs. "Dunno."She sighs. "Just...promise you'll still be here even after you've met my family."

Amy laughs. "I already met your mom."

Hope shakes her head. "You haven't met them in their natural habitat."

"I'm sure they're all great."

Hope gives  her a soft,affectionate smile. "Just promise me you'll still talk to me after you've met them."

Amy chuckles. "Okay."

When Amy meets her family, she understands why Hope would be apprehensive.


	4. Chapter 4

Joyce has offered to pay not only for Hope's ticket but for Amy's as well even though Amy had offered to pay for hers.

"It's okay, really," Hope had told her in that casual, chill way of hers when Amy insists on paying for her own. "Mom doesn't mind, honestly."

"Are you sure?" Amy asks, still uncertain.

"Positive." 

So Amy accepts, but then when they board the plane, she is surprised when, instead of going economy, they are led by the flight attendant to first class.

"Hope Davenport?" the flight attendant confirms, checking Hope's ID against her boarding pass.

Hope nods.

"This way, please."

As they follow the attendant, Amy looks around, confused.

"Hope, I think they made a mistake," Amy says, as the flight attendant gets her bag and stows it for her, another leads her to a roomy, comfortable seat that reclines all the way and another offers her drinks and snacks. She turns, looks out the window at the tarmac, looks around, then back to Hope.

"What?" Hope asks as she hands her bag to the attendant and thanks her as she takes her seat beside Amy. "I know you like the window seat."

"Shouldn't we be in economy?" Amy asks. "This is very pricey."

Hope shrugs. "Guess mom upgraded our seats." When she sees the apprehension on Amy's face, Hope puts her hand on Amy's hand, and twines it with hers. "Seriously, don't worry about it." She tilts her head to the side, smiles and says, "It's okay."

"Okay," Amy says, still uneasily. After a second, she asks, "Where are we going anyway?"

"Sitka."

"Sitka?"

"Yup. In Alaska," Hope continues. As she leans back, she says, "Make yourself comfortable...it's going to be a long flight."

***

Hope hadn't been lying.  Hours later, they'd transferred at Anchorage to a smaller, chartered plane which shuddered and groaned as Hope napped and Amy gripped her hands.

Finally, when they see a landscape of trees, mountains and lakes and the small plane dips and lands on a small airport, and as its wheels hit pavement and taxis on the tarmac, Amy couldn't be more glad.

Exhausted from the flight, Hope steps out of the plane, Amy stumbling after, right through the airport, collecting their bags. As they step out of the airport, they spot Hope's family right away, standing by the side, welcome posters on hand.

When Hope spots them, a slow grin spreads through her face and she stops and waves, while Amy looks at Hope's family and falters.

She remembers what Molly had said when she said she was going with Hope to attend her brother's wedding.

"As her date?"Molly had asked.

"Yeah."

"Wow, that's big,"Molly had said. " _Huge_."

"I know,"Amy mutters.

"Meeting the family,"Molly had said. "Prepare to be grilled."

She remembers this now and suddenly feels nervous, hands clammy, butterflies in her stomach. When Hope resumes walking, Amy just stands there, frozen. Hope notices though that Amy isn't following so she goes back and says, with a smile and asks, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Amy responds. She pauses, briefly closes her eyes, "Feeling nauseated a bit...dizzy, too."

Now Hope looks at her with deep concern. "What's wrong?"

Amy looks at her then and feels shy. She looks at Hope's family and debates how to tell her. But Hope has been with her long enough to figure out what's going on and so she takes Amy's hand, looks into Amy's eyes and says, "Don't freak out. It's going to be okay. Okay?"

Amy swallows. 

"Deep breaths, babe, deep breaths," Hope murmurs, her thumb slowly brushing the back of Any's hand.

Amy listens to her, takes a deep breath then exhales. She inhales again and slowly lets her breath out. She feels the butterflies flutter then settle, feels a bit calmer, though whether it's from Hope's voice or her touch or the fact that she's there, Amy isn't sure. She smiles at Hope. 

"Ready?" Hope asks.

Amy nods though she isn't entirely sure.

"Don't worry about it,"Hope says. "They don't bite. And I'm going to be here, right beside you, the whole entire time."

Amy smiles nervously but some of her anxiety dissipates. That's what Hope has done these past two years, support and encourage her, when she was in Botswana, having a hard time, the first time she'd been in New York, through difficult classes and even more difficult professors, classmates and friends and family and everything else, and standing there, holding Hope's hand, Amy can't imagine how her life would be like without her. She loves Hope. Now with Hope graduating, they hadn't actually talked about what they would do after. They hadn't talked about whether Hope was going to stay in New York or work in another state. They hadn't talked about what would happen if Hope finally got a job. If she gets a job in New York, do they move in together? Or stay apart? If she gets a job in another state, do they try the long distance relationship? Or should she consider following her? Amy is only in her junior year but she's already thinking of employment prospects. She doesn't want Hope to stay because of her, she doesn't want to hold her back. She isn't sure what she wants actually. But she doesn't know what's going to happen now and the uncertainty is killing her.

***

"Ames? Babe? You okay?" Hope asks.

Amy nods, coming back to the present.

As they approach Hope's family, Hope jokes, "Holler when you need me." She then says, so low only Amy hears it, "I love you" making Amy's heart flutter again, the warmth of her casual declaration filling Amy. Then Hope gently drops her Amy's hand, the other holding on her bag,and waves at her family, picks up the pace, long strides across the airport, Amy practically running beside her, cursing her shorter legs.

When they finally stand infront of Hope's family, Amy suddenly feels nervous again. She can see Joyce, who smiles at her in acknowledgement, now wearing a casual cardigan, slacks and sandals. Beside her is what seems to be Hope's grandmother, a woman named Betty, shorter than Hope, but a bit taller than Amy, hair snow white and puffy, eyes a steely blue gray, face lined with wrinkles, an easy, affectionate smile, much like Hope's, on her face and as Hope moves to hug her, she leans and rests her head on her grandmother's shoulder. Then, a man, older than Hope, moves to hug Hope as he starts to move his hands, signing and saying affectionately, in a deep voice, "Hey, Ducky," to which she signs back and murmurs "Fuck you"  as the man chuckles, and signs and says, "Missed you, too, little sis. I see you’re still wearing that abominable jacket...", "Whatever, jerk." Amy watches them and realizes Hope's brother is hearing-impaired. Hope's brother is a tall, handsome man in his late twenties or early thirties, with short, wavy auburn hair, wearing a tight, white shirt showing off his muscles, jeans and sneakers. He is taller than Hope. He looks like he just stepped out of a CW show and in fact has the dark, smoldering looks to pass for a brooding vampire on Vampire Diaries or someone's brooding boyfriend on Gossip Girl. The television shows were Amy's secret guilty pleasure and she used to watch them when her parents were asleep. She shouldn't be surprised though that Hope's family is beautiful. Hope is impossibly gorgeous. Her mother is beautiful. Of course she also has a good-looking older brother. She hears her name then as she feels Hope come up to her, one hand gently placed on the small of her back as she is introduced to Hope's family.

"Everyone, this is Amy..." she hears Hope, still signing. "Amy this is everyone. You've met my mom, this is my gammy, my grandmother, and that person over there is my brother, Tate."

Joyce smiles and says, "It's nice to see you again", while Hope's grandmother smiles, waves and says, "It's so nice to meet you. You look better in person than in the photos..."

Amy smiles, looking at Hope curiously, wondering how her grandmother would know about her.

"You look adorable," Hope's grandmother says.

The ghost of a smile creeps on Amy's face. "Thank you."

 "Adorable like a farmer," her grandmother continues.

"Uh..."Amy says.

"Shorter than I expected though," her grandmother continues, "And flat-chested..."

Amy blushes.

" _Mother_ ," Joyce says warningly. "Stop it."

"I'm just saying..."

"How is her being flat-chested connected to anything?"

"Well..."

"Could you please stop talking about my girlfriend's chest please?" Hope casually says then. "Thank you."

"Oh, alright," her grandmother says, "But something has to be done about her hips..." 

Hope sighs. "What about her hips, Gammy?"

"They're too narrow, Hope," her grandmother says. "They need to be wider..."

Hope creases her eyebrows in that characteristic way she does. "Why should her hips be wider?" Hope asks patiently in an exagerrated, affectionately exasperated way.

"Why, for bearing children, of course!" her grandmother says.

Tate laughs out loud and signs to Hope. Hope grins even though she looks embarassed. Joyce rolls her eyes. Amy blushes even more deeply. 

"Grandma!" Hope says.

"What? I'm just saying," her grandmother says. 

"I'm sorry, my grandma..."Hope begins.

But Amy gamely smiles, nervously and says, "That's fine. In Africa, I wasn't considered a catch, either. Women were valued for their child-bearing hips, so, I was practically useless."

"See?" Her grandmother says.

Everyone stops to consider this before Tate laughs again and says, " C'mon. You've gotta meet dad!"

Her grandmother continues,  "I mean, your grandfather was pretty well endowed."

"Mother!" Joyce admonishes her. 

"Grandma..." Hope says, making a face. "Gross."

"Nice," Tate says with a grin.

Hope glares at Tate then but Tate is already leading Amy out of the airport, Hope, Joyce and Hope's grandmother trailing.

"Can't wait for you to meet the rest of the family,"Tate jokes.

"What...what did your brother sign to you earlier?"Amy asks Hope as they walk to the door.

Before Hope could answer, Tate says, "I said, I like you already."

Amy smiles.

***

When Amy, Hope and Hope's family  steps out of airport, standing by the side of the street, Tate briefly disappears and emerges with an old beat up Ford pick-up truck.

"Our ride's here," Hope announces.

Tate leans over and says, "Not getting out to carry your bags...got to pick it up yourself, sport."

"Fuck you,"Hope says with a laugh as she grabs her bag and those of Amy's and tosses it at the back.

"Shotgun!" Amy blurts out even before she could stop herself. She blushes.

Hope looks at her and grins.

Joyce and their grandmother pile into the back of the car and Hope and Amy get in the front, Amy squeezed between the driver and Hope, Hope's arm around her as Amy rests her hand on Hope's thigh.

Hope squeezes her shoulder reassuringly. Amy smiles at her.

***

The ride is short and uneventful, Hope's family quietly chatting in the back. Amy lets the conversation just go through her, conscious and comforted by Hope's nearness as she takes in the town - trees, clean streets, gray skies. It's smaller and quieter and more peaceful than New York, and she feels herself settle into the simplicity of the town. When the car turns to main street and they pass by buildings, Amy starts to notice the names on the buildings, "Davenport Hardware  Store", "Davenport Souvenirs", "Davenport Studios", "Davenport Deliveries", "Davenport Grocery", "Davenport Electronics". She sees a couple more shops and something slowly dawns on her as she looks at Hope, looking out the window at the trees, silent and pensive. Hope looks at her.

"What?"

"All the buildings have your name on it," she whispers to Hope.

Hope just shrugs. "Not my name. My dad's name. And my grandfather before that. And my grandfather before that. Ad infinitum..."

"She's just being modest," Tate says. 

Hope rolls her eyes at Tate.

"You told me you had student loans to pay..." Amy whispers.

Tate snorts. "Student loans?" he asks as he makes a right turn, steering wheel turning in his hands. "That college education is all paid for."

Amy looks at him.

"Trust fund," Tate explains. "She didn't want to go to college, but the deal was if she goes to college she can get her trust fund. Threw in a sweet deal to go backpacking all over fucking Europe,too."

"Tate..." Hope says.

Amy turns to Hope. 

"I know, right?"Tate says. "How'd you get through Columbia, Amy?"

"I have a scholarship,"Amy replies, surprised Tate knows she goes to Columbia.

"Cool," Tate says. "A smartypants. Think we should keep her, Ducky." He smiles at Amy then leans over to let some music play.

As the music plays, Amy lets this sink in further, Hope just quiet beside her.

After a few minutes, they enter a dock and the pick-up stops. They all get out as Hope grabs her bag and Tate grabs the rest of their bags and disappear down a ladder with Joyce and their grandmother.

"Where are we going?"Amy asks.

"Home," Hope says. 

As they walk to the edge, Amy sees a ladder and a motor boat and suddenly she feels dizzy.

"Uh, Hope..."

Hope turns. "Yeah?"

"I...I can't..."

"It's okay, Ames, we just need to take a boat to get there," Hope explains.

"What, do you have an island or something?" Amy asks.

Hope doesn't answer that. "C'mon, Ames, it's going to be okay."

Amy feels nauseated. "I...I don't think I can. I might throw up..."

Hope slowly grins. "As long as you don't throw up on me, we're good."

Amy slowly gets down the ladder and gets into the boat.

As Tate starts the engine, Amy grabs Hope's hand and never lets go until they get to their destination.

Amy throws up a few minutes after the boat leaves the dock.

***

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry,"Amy says after she's thrown up on the side of the boat, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket.

Hope shakes her head, smiles and hands her a tissue. "Eeeww, Ames, but I guess I should be glad you _didn't_ throw up on me this time..."

"This time?" Her grandmother asks. "She's thrown up on you before..."

"Um..."Hope begins.

"At a party,"Amy says. "I'm still sorry about that, too."

Tate shoves a paper bag at Amy. 

"Thanks,"Amy says.

"Jaden gets seasick, too," Tate says with a smile. 

***

After a while, the motor boat turns in the silver green lake and slices a path through the water, it enters a seemingly secluded area beyond some trees and they see a big house on a sprawling lawn, surrounded by trees, rolling hills stretching away in the background. Amy's jaw drops. Correction, she thinks, not big, but huge, _massive_. Colossal. Like one of those mansions where celebrities live. In fact, it looks like a mansion, all marble and brick and glass, with a gravel driveway, a small fountain, terrace and widow’s walk and gardens. Amy suddenly feels tiny and insignificant.

"Welcome to la casa," Tate says. "It ain't much but yeah...it's a roof over our head..."

As the others get off the boat, she just sits there and stares.

"Ames? Babe? We've got to get off now,"Hope says, gently nudging her.

She shakes her head. "Uh, yeah, of course, sorry."

The others have already made their way to the house, leaving Hope with Amy.Hope walks beside her, quiet. 

Amy looks at her, clears her throat and says, "Uh, Hope...?"

"Yeah?"

Amy wants to say something, about this secret wealth Hope suddenly has, about how overwhelming it is, and how she doesn't think she's ready for this or even ready to deal with it. She wants to ask Hope why she hadn't mentioned it in the two years they've been dating. But Hope's looking slightly anxious and she realizes maybe Hope's trying to be cool for both of them so she backs up and says instead, "You didn't tell me your family's..."

"Comfortable?"

"Uh, no..."

"Rich? Because that's not me...just them..." 

Amy squeezes her hand. "Amazing. I was going to say amazing, Hope,"Amy says. 

Hope slowly grins that grin Amy loves. "I am so fucking in love with you now, fuck, it's unreal."

"And how is your brother..."

"Yeah, botched medication my mom was taking when she was pregnant with him...he's had a hard time growing up... I didn't want to..."

Amy squeezes her hand. "I was going to say more good-looking than you,” Amy says with a teasing grin.

Hope rolls her eyes. “That’s low. I’m the pretty one in the family.”

Amy laughs. "Tired?"

Hope nods. "Yeah. Like you cannot imagine..."

"Can't wait to take a shower and sleep," Amy says.

Hope smiles. "You and me both." She leans over then and teasingly whispers,  "Want to shower together later?"

Amy smiles, blushes. Sees someone wave and approach. "Ah...ha-ha...um...what about your parents?" she whispers.

Hope knits her eyebrows. "What about them?"

"Um...wouldn't it be weird...when your parents are right there?"

Hope shrugs. "It's a huge ass house, Ames...it's not like they're in the next room listening to us..."

Amy looks at her, incredulous, shudders at the thought. "Now, you’ve just put that image in my head. Eeeww. I'm not going to have sex with you when your parents and brother and not to mention your _grandmother_ are right _there_ ," she hisses.

Hope frowns. "We have sex at your house," she points out.

Amy stammers, "That's...that's..." She stops, hesitates, then says, "That was just the one time. That's different."

"How is that different?"Hope asks. "Your parents have that whole Jesus thing going on. Imagine doing it when you know they think you're going to burn in hell..."

"They love the sinner not the sin,"Amy clarifies.

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"I...I think it means..."Amy attempts to explain. "I don't fucking know what it means but my parents are okay."

"With us doing it in their house?"

"Maybe not that part, but they're cool with me being with you."

"As your girlfriend?"Hope asks. "'Cause I think they still think of me as your _other_ friend, Hope."

"What, like your parents know about us? Didn't you just tell me you only _mentioned_ me? Like you haven't even labeled yourself so who am I in relation to you?"

Hope raises an eyebrow and gives her a look. "What is it with you and labels?"

They see Joyce and Hope's grandmother wave at them from the shore so Hope says, "Okay, can we _not_ talk about this right now?"

"Fine."

"If you don't want to have sex, that's all you had to say, you didn't have to give me fucking shit about my family or my sexuality or whatever..."

"That's not..." Amy begins. "I'm sorry. I'm kind of just so fucking nervous right now."

Hope looks at her, her expression softening. "It's okay. I'm nervous, too."

Hope grabs her hand then and says, "Come meet the rest of my weird ass family."

"I heard that," somebody says and they turn and see a tall, handsome, caramel skinned man with a great shock of curly hair approaching them, white floral shirt blowing in the breeze, shorts whipping up a storm. He stops infront of Amy and says, "Hi, I'm Jaden. And you're..."

"Uh, I'm...uh, Amy," Amy stutters as she reaches for Jaden hand.

Jaden smiles. Jaden looks at Hope. "She's cuter in person, Hope."

Tate comes back and puts an arm around Jaden, kisses the top of his head, beaming the whole time, signs and says, "I see you've met Jaden."

Amy smiles and says, "Yes."

"Awesome,"Tate says. "Just so you know, it's going to be a crazy ass weekend, so gird your loins, take a deep breath and relax. 'Cause this'll be the last peace and quiet you'll ever have. Everyone's going to be crazy."

Tate hadn't been kidding.

***

Amy doesn't even get any rest. As soon as they've put their bags in Hope's room, rested a bit and ate, Amy is whisked off to accompany Hope on wedding rehearsals, dance rehearsals where she learns to waltz with Hope, wedding dinners and parties with Hope's relatives.

She'd just had enough time to chat with Molly on Skype via fluctuating internet signal.

"Dude, how's Alaska?" Molly asks.

"Dude,it's fucking crazy,"Amy says. "And Hope's family is fucking loaded, it’s surreal. Like they have their own private island and shit and the whole town's practically made up of shops with Hope's family's name on it."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

“Lemme see…”

Amy moves her phone so Molly can see outside, at the sprawling lawn, overlooking the lake, the trees, and a part of the house. 

“They have, a fucking infinity pool at the back. And I’m pretty sure there’s some fucking helipad or some shit way out back.”

“Holy fucking shit.” Molly laughs. "So, it’s like some fucking reality show with the Kardashians or whatever.”

“I know.”

“It’s like the Hills, but like in Alaska,” Molly continues. “Dude, you can totally not bust your ass working anymore. You could be like one of those Real Housewives people that don’t work and whine all the time on reality tv.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s offensive and it undermines all the work I’ve put in to be taken seriously,” Amy says. “Second of all, housewife is such a derogatory term. Nobody realizes how much moms work to make sure everyone’s fed and clothed and educated and stuff.”

“Alright, gender studies major, don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Molly says. “So, you're like dating the one percent?"

"Fuck you."

"That's kind of ironic, in my book," Molly continues. "Weren't you like, all Occupy Wallstreet and shit?"

"Til all of us can have cars like Jared's that can kill us all, none of us can."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Equality and equity for all, dude."

Molly peers at Amy through her phone. "Dude, are you freaking out? Are you like legit freaked out by Hope and her family?"

"I...Yeah, a bit,"Amy admits. "It's just...we've been dating two years and Hope's never mentioned her family's rich. Before all this, I thought she was just some regular girl I was lucky enough to be dating…”

Molly shrugs. "Maybe she has her reasons."

"Yeah, maybe she thinks her family thinks I'm a golddigger out to take their daughter and her riches from them."

"Dude, literally no one thinks that," Molly says. "And even if they did, does it even matter? You're with Hope. None of that fucking matters."

"Wow, you're surprisingly supportive for someone who doesn't like Hope."

"I don't dislike Hope..."

"But you don't like her either."

Molly shrugs. "She's growing on me."

Amy smiles. "She _is_ fucking awesome."

"Yeah, I know, I don’t need to know how awesome she is in bed and outside of it, " Molly grudgingly admits. "And the whole I'm-secretly-rich-and-still-cool kind of ups her mojo up in my book."

"Hey, how come we didn't even know about this?"

"Well, she kept to herself all of high school, and she didn't, like, dress like the other rich kids..."

"Mark Zuckerberg wears hoodies and jeans all the time," Amy points out. "Steve Jobs only ever wore turtlenecks and jeans."

"Yeah. Your girlfriend wore that fringe jacket to death all of high school,"Molly points out. 

"True."

"Hey, you told her about your internship yet?"

"Working on it."

"How are you working on it? You leave in a few weeks."

Amy closes her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

"It's like that time you didn't tell me you were going to Botswana for a full year and it..."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Amy says with a sigh.

"Else she's going to be pissed,"Molly says. "I'm not sure she's going to be okay with me finding out first before she did."

***

And then there's the wedding itself, which is held on the lawn overlooking the shore, lawn chairs, a carpet, a huge wedding arch and a minister flown in for just such an occassion. Hope's relatives are a blur of voices and color and personalities but some of them make a big enough impression that she remembers them.

During the wedding reception, she'd met Hope's aunts and uncles and cousins and, Jaden's relatives and she'd drank a bit of wine, ate a bit of hors d'oeuvres and sandwiches and other food, chatted with people as they asked her about college and her major and what she plans to do after graduation, Hope keeping an eye on her all the while, smiling and nodding at her and going to meet her when she isn't being cornered by a long-lost relative. She answers questions as vaguely as possible.

As she attends each event she can't help but sense a bit of discomfort - though if it's because of Tate marrying Jaden or her presence with Hope or a mixture of both she couldn't be sure.

"So what are you majoring in at...?" she'd remembered one aunt, Aunt Lydia, a tall, thin, dark-haired woman with dark, gray hair, a hooked nose and sharp cheekbones, asking as she peers from her glasses at Amy with eagle-eyed barely masked disapproval.

"Columbia,"Amy supplies, sipping her wine.

"Columbia," Aunt Lydia repeats.

"Uh, Economics and Sustainable Development, and gender studies,"Amy answers.

"Ah," Aunt Lydia says, her face creasing. She looks utterly unimpressed by Amy’s answer. "But it's not Harvard, is it?"

Amy had raised her eyebrows and laughed nervously before sipping her wine again. 

They stand around in awkward silence for a few, excruciating minutes before a man, tall, broad-shouldered, salt and pepper hair, handsome in a Richard Gere kind of way comes up to them, put an arm around Lydia and says, "Hey."

"Hey, James,"Lydia says. 

"Hello, Mr. Davenport,"Amy says stiffly to Hope's grandfather.

"Please, call me Jim," James Davenport says, smiling at Amy. "How are you so far?"

"Great,"Amy says with an uneasy smile. "You have a lovely home."

Lydia raises an eyebrow. "So this is the young lady that's keeping our Hope away from Alaska and in New York."

" _Lydia,_ " James says in a chastising tone. He spots guests arriving and nods. "Well, I have to go, enjoy the rest of the party, Amy."

They both watch James leave. When he does, Lydia turns to Amy then and says, "Hope has a life waiting for her here..."

Amy swallows and nods.

Lydia silently drinks her wine before she says, "If Hope doesn't at least come back and help her brother run the family business, she'll never know what she's truly capable of. She'll never reach her fullest potential."

"I understand,"Amy says.

Lydia smiles. "Good."

"Aunt Lydia, hey," Hope says then, appearing out of nowhere. "What's up?"

"I'm just...getting to know your friend."

Hope smiles tightly. "Cool. Can I borrow Amy for a sec?"

As they move away, Amy mutters, "What took you so long?"

"Sorry," Hope says. "Your dress looks nice."

"Thanks,"Amy says, looking down at her sparkly dress. "You're the only one who probably likes it. Your Aunt Lydia hates it. I don't think she likes me." 

"Don't take it personally,"Hope says. "She doesn't like anybody."

"Okay."

She looks at Hope, all tall and gorgeous in a white, tight-fitting gown and heels, hair all done, make-up and lipstick accentuating high cheekbones and eyes and lips and Amy teasingly says, "You don't look so bad yourself."

Hope grins. "Thanks." She then says, "Come meet someone."

Hope introduces Amy to Kaylani, Jaden's young daughter of about eleven or twelve, olive-skinned and pretty, in overalls and sneakers, vaguely resembling Jaden, who starts a conversation with her by saying, "Did you know Maine is the only state with one syllable?"

She pauses, drinks her wine, thinks and says, "Did you know one cow can make 400 hamburgers?"

"Did you know fish don't blink?"

"Did you know everyone has a unique tongue print?"

"Did you know only 0.03 percent of women are born without hymens?"

Amy almost chokes on her drink and coughs instead. "Uh, what?"

The girl nods, looking solemn and wise. "It's true." 

Hope's grandmother wanders to them and says, "What are you guys talking about?"

"Hey, Tate's grandma!" the girl says, "We were talking about hymens."

"That's nice," Hope's grandmother says. "I broke my hymen riding a horse when I was twelve."

Amy and the girl make a face as Hope's grandmother smiles. When Aunt Lydia comes over, and asks what they are talking about, Hope's grandmother says, "Hymens."

"Mother!" Lydia says in astonishment.

Hope's grandmother shrugs. "You asked." She turns to Amy and Kaylani. "Don't worry about her. She didn't _have_ a hymen."

Aunt Lydia blushes as she mumbles something about refilling her drinks as Hope's grandmother moves on to another group.

Kaylani then moves her head, to indicate Jaden. "Doesn't my dad look handsome?"

Amy nods. "Yeah."

“My dad’s been out forever. He had me with someone way before he and Tate met. They look awesome,” Kaylani says. Then she tilts her head. “I don’t think everyone approves of them though.” Before Amy can comment, Kaylani adds, “Not you and Hope though. You’re cool with it.”

Then Kaylani looks at Amy."Are you gay?"

Amy blushes. "Uh, what?"

"Are you Hope's girlfriend?"

Amy stares at her. "Um, I'm sorry?"

"Are you going to French kiss?"

"Ha-ha, that's...that's..."Amy says, unable to say anything else, her face hot and red.

"It’s cool if you are. Are you doing it?" Kaylani continues, much to Amy's embarrassment. "What's doing it? I don't know what it is but I know grown-ups do it all the time."

Amy looks like she wants the floor to open up and swallow her but thankfully, the girl then asks, "Do bees have knees?"

Jaden wanders over and kisses Kaylani on the head. "I see you've met Kaylani."

Kaylani grins. "Yup. I like her. She's cool."

The rest of the reception is a blur after that.

***

At the end of the wedding reception, when everyone has finally gone home or retired for the night, Amy falls face down on the bed and groans even as she hears Hope come in, door closing softly behind her as she hears it click shut as Hope locks it.

She feels Hope plop down beside her.

"Ugh," she hears Hope's muffled voice on the bed.

Amy rolls up and stares at the ceiling. 

"How are you holding up?"Hope asks.

"I'm okay,"Amy says. "Uh, Hope?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn’t  you tell me you guys were…”

“Comfortable?”

Amy laughs. "Yeah. That's exactly the kind of thing a rich person would say.”

Hope chuckles. "I'm not though," she insists. "Just my family. And anyway, it slipped my mind, I guess...not like I could tell you, by the way, my family's loaded, you cool with that?...I mean, in what conversation would I even fit that in? While we were having sex?"

Amy half-laughs. 

Hope turns to look at her. "Are you freaking out?"

"No, I'm not."

Hope chuckles, stops to look at her. "Yeah, you are."

Amy sighs. "Yeah, a little bit."

Hope slowly exhales. "Look, would it make a difference, if I'd told you then?"

Amy shakes her head. "No, I..."

"So why is it a big deal now?"

"It's just...it's a little weird that we've been dating for a couple of years and I don't know this about you,"Amy says. "Like...you didn't think it was something worth telling me about."

"It’s not that it isn’t worth telling,"Hope says. "I just didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn't want you to feel weird about it. I know how you feel about rich people..."

Amy knits her eyebrows. "How do I feel about rich people?"

Hope smiles. "C'mon, Ames. Half of the time you refer to Jared and Gigi as the one percent."

"I don't..." Amy starts to deny it but Hope looks at her and she relents. "Okay, I do but not in a derogatory way. It’s just a factual description..."

"Yeah, so I didn't want you to start acting weird around me just 'cause my family's rich or whatever...which is kind of what you're doing now..." Hope says. 

"I'm...I'm sorry..."

Hope leans over, holds Amy's hands and says, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you...I just...liked having you treat me like a regular person...I didn't want all that shit changing how you were around me..."

Amy shakes her head. "It doesn't change anything."

"Sure?"

"Positive."

Hope sighs. 

"Um, since we're being honest and everything now...I have something to tell you..."

"What?"

"Uh...remember those applications I needed to sort out for my internship?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I applied to this one thing and I got in."

"Wow, congrats! Where are you interning?"

"United Nations?"

"Okay. That's fucking cool."

"It's going to be for the whole semester though..."

Hope shrugs. "So? I interned for a full semester, too."

"I'm...not going to be in New York though."

"Where will you intern?"

"At UNDP's office...in Shanghai...In China..."

"Yeah, I know where Shanghai is," Hope says impatiently. "When do you start?"

"In a few weeks."

The room is deathly quiet.

"When did you find out?"Hope asks, voice suddenly quiet and calm.

"Um...a few months ago."

Hope nods. "And you didn't think to tell me before then?"

"Hope, I wasn't sure..."

Hope is silent. She stands up then and quietly says, "I think I need to get some air…"

"Hope..."

"Just...leave me alone for now, Amy..."

Hope leaves the room and closes the door behind her, leaving Amy all alone in Hope's bedroom with her thoughts and regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Thanks for your comments. Hope you like this one. Kind of already had this backstory for Hope from when this series was started. Hope you like. Cheers!


	5. Chapter 5

Hope and Amy fly back to New York in silence.

Amy recalls having tried to run after  Hope that night at their house. But Hope is fast and has longer legs and she's out the door and walking through the woods at the back of the house, Amy trailing behind her. 

It's dark and cold, but there's a full moon and the house has flood lights that help Amy see but not by much. She stumbles and almost trips as she half-runs and walks through the woods, dried leaves and branches crunching beneath her feet as she goes after Hope, pushing branches and leaves away from her face and getting hit by them.

"Hope,"Amy calls out. "Where are you?"

She ducks under one branch and calls out, "Just...talk to me please..."

She could hear Hope infront of her steadily marching on, not stopping.

"Go home, Amy...I just need to be alone for awhile..."

"I just don't understand why you just won't talk to me,"Amy says.

Hope doesn't respond, the walking stops and Amy listens, follows, emerges from the woods and into a clearing half-surrounded by trees, the lake shore on one side, shining silver in the moonlight.

She sees Hope sitting on a boulder, looking out at the water as it gently laps the shore, the sound of the water soothing against their ears, Hope's hair gently blowing in the breeze, shirt flapping against the wind as she folds one leg and rests her chin on her knee, saying nothing. Looking at her like this, Hope looks younger, even ganglier than usual, vulnerable and defiant against the darkness.

Amy stands there for a second, uncertain what to do, feeling the cold breeze against her skin, blowing against her hair. She wraps her arms around herself, shivers before she slowly walks toward her, looks around and takes a seat on a log. 

Hope doesn't speak for a while. Amy just sits there quietly.

"I discovered this place by accident one time I came for a visit," Hope begins. "My mom and dad got married young way back. They met at Berkeley, fell in love and eloped. My dad knew my grandparents would never approve of it, so they lived on a hippie commune for awhile, living on organic vegetables and free range eggs they raised themselves. They were retro-beatnik hippies way back when it wasn't cool anymore. I have the fringe jacket to prove it. They were broke and pregnant with my older brother and my mom got sick and they finally had to get help from my dad's rich parents." She doesn't say anything for awhile, then she continues. "My grandparents agreed on the condition my parents divorce. My parents refused and my brother suffered. They fought valiantly for awhile and had me but by then it was getting harder. They couldn't make ends meet and struggled. Maybe if they stuck together a little longer it would have eventually worked out, maybe it would have turned out differently. But my dad chickened out. He was a rich kid who had majored in fine arts and had zero skills. He came crawling back to my grandparents, humbled and meek as ever. Eventually they divorced. Dad moved back to Alaska. Mom stayed in L.A. Tate stayed with dad most of the time, I got to stay with mom. Dad started running the business. Mom went back to school, finally got a job." She turns to look at Amy. "I was a very, very angry kid. Child of divorced parents. My mom's a proud woman, refused to take handouts from her former in-laws, but she did allow them to pay for my education. My mom didn't want me knowing dad's family was rich. She resented them for that. Maybe didn't want me turning out weird or something. She wanted me to live a normal life. He came for a visit once in a while but I was angry at him and didn't really want to have any kind of relationship with him before. Anyway, yeah. They paid for my education, paid for NYU and all that. It's free education and shit and I didn't have to be saddled with fucking student loans so I agreed. Fucking sue me. For a while I was this pissed off kid and I had to go to therapy for awhile...and it took me awhile to get to a place where I'm cool with stuff so I'm sorry if I kept this shit from you. It's just shit I wasn't ready to share and I'm not sure you, with your perfect little sheltered life can understand it at all..."

"I'm sorry," Amy says quietly.

Hope shakes her head. "I'm over it. I just don't feel like I have to talk about this shit all the fucking time."

"You don't have to explain yourself..."

"I don't fucking hate them or whatever. It took me awhile to get to a place where I'm okay with stuff. My dad's a good guy, a bit meek when he was younger, but he's working on it...My brother, my grandmother, even my crazy Aunt Lydia - well, they're all blood and I think that's important. What's done is done, so..."

Amy nods. Hope turns to her then. 

"Is that what you wanted to hear?"Hope asks then. "Is that enough for you? Have I satisfied your curiosity?"

Amy shakes her head. "I didn't..."

"What else do you want to know about me?"

"Nothing...I..."

"I mean, what do you want from me, Amy, really?"

"I don't know..."

Hope closes her eyes. "I'm trying, Amy. I mean, I'm fucking trying really hard here. There's just some things I'm just not fucking ready to talk about..."

"I'm sorry..."

"I know I've kept some things from you and I'm not going to apologize for that but how come you kept Shanghai from me?"

Amy is silent, before she finally shrugs. "I don't know..."

"See, we can't be intimate and be sharing all these things with each other and you keep this from me."

"Hope, you kept your family details from me."

"Because I just didn't think it mattered."

"It matters to me, Hope," Amy says. 

"Why?"

Amy shrugs. "Maybe if you'd given me a head's up I'd have prepared myself better, I'd have been able to handle your relatives looking at me weird when you introduce me to them..."

"I was trying to work through this on my own time, Amy,"Hope says. "You don't get to decide that for me. Up until we hooked up years ago I didn't even consider this. I couldn't even imagine the possibility that I could be happy with anyone."

"Hope, your family has a fucking _island_ ," Amy says. "I'm pretty sure you own the fucking town. I am way in over my head on this one. I know you've lived with this your whole life but this isn't as easy for me as it is for you."

"This isn't easy for me, too, Ames."

"I mean, how do we even make this work?" Amy asks.

"What are you talking about?"

"You graduate in a few weeks,"Amy points out. "I still have a year left. What are we going to do about this?"

"About what?"

Amy gestures to them with a wave of her hand. "This, us. Whatever."

Hope is silent for a few minutes before she speaks up. "I thought you knew me better than that, Amy. You're not some college fling I had to get out of my system before I move on with my life."

"Hope..."

"This, you, us, this _is_ my life, Amy," Hope begins. "And up til today I was almost certain this is what I wanted, you and me together for however long we can, against all odds, against the whole world, which, basically if I had it my way, would be for a very long time," Hope says. "But now, I'm not sure..."

"Hope..."

"I'm happy for you, really, I am," Hope says. "I think it's cool. And I'm very proud of you. I'm sorry it upset me...But I don't know why you couldn't just tell me about this..."

"I'm sorry..."

Hope sighs. "Molly already knows, doesn't she?"

Amy hesitates before she says, "Yeah."

"She was the first one you told about it, wasn't she?"

Amy doesn't say anything.

"I assume from your silence that's a yes," Hope says, the hurt look palpable on her face. "See, the thing is, I wouldn't keep something like that from you, Ames. Ever. I mean you're the first one I want to talk to if I get some good news or you know, when I wake up and the last one I want to see when I sleep. But maybe I had a lot of ridiculous assumptions about this relationship that I shouldn't have had...and maybe introducing you to my family was a bad idea, which from how you're freaking out is right...maybe it was too soon...maybe I should've waited..."

"Hope, please, don't..."

"And I know the mature thing to do is work through it, but  I _am_ graduating and you're not. I'd have thought we could work through that but let's face it, Ames...we are at a crossroads right now, and maybe we should cut our losses now before it's too late..."

Amy feels something cold grip her, feels the world slow down.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I won't hold you back. It's six months but things could still change. I graduate and have to look for a job and..." Hope sighs. "I don't want this to be hard. I want it to be easy...And I want you to be happy..." Hope takes a deep breath. "So yeah...maybe we need to take a break, you know?" 

"Take a break?" Amy couldn't believe her ears.

"Yeah...just for a little while,"Hope says. "To figure stuff out."

Amy sits there as Hope stands and kisses her on the head.

"I'm sorry,"Hope says softly.

Amy's eyes well up with tears. 

She remembers this now as she makes her way through the airport and on her way home. When she gets to her dorm she cries. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chap's up. There'll probs be one more chap and this story is done. Thanks for reading! Cheers!

"So...let me get this straight..."Molly begins. "You left for Alaska _with_ a girlfriend, and you came back to New York _without_ one?"

Amy stares at the screen and drops her head on her arms and groans. "I don't know..."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Apparently, we're on a break? Whatever that means..."

"So, you're still together...?"

Amy lifts her head up. "We didn't really break _up_..."

"But you're not _actively_ in a relationship?"

"I don't know..."

Molly sighs. 

"Relationships are hard work,"Amy says, running a hand on her face.

"Can you tell me again what exactly happened?"

So Amy recounts what happened in Alaska, and what their conversation was about, Molly listening attentively and asking questions as she rehashes the conversation.

"Well, that can't be good,"Molly comments when Amy is done.

"Yeah, I know...one minute I had a girlfriend, the next minute...we're in this...thing...we're it's in limbo and it's neither here nor there..."

Molly sighs. She doesn't say anything for a while, before she says, "I get Hope not saying anything about her family..."

"Why are you taking her side?"

Molly says, "I'm not. I get it, but she should have at least said something...but you kept Shanghai from her, too..."

Amy sighs. "Yeah, I know, alright? I know." She bites her lower lip, looking worried. "What do I do?"

Molly shrugs. "I don't know...maybe give her some time? Clearly she has a lot on her mind right now. If her family and obligations and graduating and getting a job are what's on her mind right now...maybe she just needs some space and time to figure things out..."

Amy groans.

"At least she isn't breaking up with you,"Molly points out. "Maybe she's as freaked out about the future as anyone is. Has she told you what she felt about graduating? Have you discussed what you guys were planning to do after?"

Amy shakes her head.

"Did you bring it up?"

Amy shakes her head again.

"So, clearly you have communication issues,"Molly says. "I mean...the fact that you told me about Shanghai instead of her...well, that's kind of weird for her. I mean, yeah, I'm your best friend, but she's your girlfriend...you've got to start including her in your decisions, too."

"I know..."

"So, why didn't you?"

Amy shrugs. "I don't...know? I guess I wasn't ready for whatever reaction she might have?"

"Was she mad at you when you finally told her?"

"No.She was actually happy for me...and proud."

"Well, there you go then,"Molly says. 

"She was more...mad I didn't tell her more than going to Shanghai..."

"I already told you you should have told her as soon as you found out..."

"I know,Mol,"Amy says.

"I mean can you imagine what she must feel knowing you always come to me first everytime something happens in your life?"

"I don't...always come to you for everything..."

"Yeah, you do...like that UN thing, like that thing with your mom, like that one time you...d'you want me to go on?"

"Not really..."

"Dude, it was cool when it was just the two of us but you have a girlfriend now...and she should feel like she's as much a part of your life as I am..." 

 "It's just...I wasn't ready...she's graduating and I'm going off to Shanghai...I was afraid she'd decide to just break up...and with her family stuff...I guess I didn't want to confront the future just yet...I didn't want to face  whatever decisions we had to make...I just..wanted everything to stay the way they were for as long as they can..."

"You're afraid you'd lose her..."

"Yeah."

"Dude, if you don't face it, you _will_ lose her."

Amy's eyes well up. "But I just... _found_ her...I can't just _lose_ her..."

"Ames, dude, calm down," Molly says. "You're not losing her...yet..."

"What do I do?"

"I don't know," Molly says. "I don't really know Hope as much as you do..."

Amy sighs. "I've fucked it up, haven't I?"

"No, you haven't,"Molly says. "It does feel a bit so sudden...and surprising...considering you guys have been together a couple of years." She stops, considers her next question. "Are you going to her graduation?"

"I don't know...we're on a break..."

"So?" Molly asks. "Doesn't fucking matter...it's not like you guys are just fuck buddies. You were together two years...graduation is a pretty big fucking deal..."

"I know...but what if she doesn't want me there?"

"What if she does?"

***

Hope stares at the four tickets she's just gotten for the graduation ceremony. She'd been staring at it for hours. She'd applied for four a couple of months ago, after her application for graduation had come through. The three tickets were for her family, her mom, dad and brother. The fourth one was for Amy. 

Hope feels a pang of pain thinking about Amy. She doesn't know what possessed her to call for a break from their relationship. It's stupid she knows. Fucking stupid. Here she is, with a relationship that's actually functional, a relationship that's actually working, a relationship that's actually making her happy and she goes and fucks it up. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. What the fuck was she thinking? 

But it wasn't like something that's so random and sudden...She'd been up to her neck with her thesis and her defense and her final requirements and applying for graduation and sending out applications and the thought of graduating actually had her anxious and apprehensive and worried about the future. On top of that, Aunt Lydia, and her grandmother Betty and her father, James, asking about what she was going to do with her life. She understands, of course. She knows they care about her but she also knows they've invested on her education and now expect a return on that investment. Expect her to go to Sitka and manage their businesses. She hadn't wanted to when her mom told her sometime around junior high or earlier, that her father's family is rich, and now that she'd had a taste of New York and what it could offer - with internships that hinted at what's to come, the more that she didn't want to. There've been persistent emails from her family. And the fact that she'd mentioned Amy in passing hadn't helped. 

And Amy...

Her relationship with Amy had been going well, but she hadn't known why Amy keeping her Shanghai internship had upset her. Looking back, it hadn't been that she kept it from her, although that's part of it. She'd kept her family's wealth from Amy, too. So she's as much at fault. No. It had been the fact that Amy had told Molly, that Molly had known earlier than she did. It hadn't been the first time she'd done that. She'd go to Hope, of course, but when she had to make major decisions, she'd go to Molly first. When she'd been thinking about what to major in, she'd asked Molly first and she'd found out from Molly she was planning to major in economics and development and gender studies. When she had been torn between law school and graduate school, she'd talked it over with Molly. When she'd been considering bringing Hope home to introduce to   Charmaine and Doug, she'd consulted Molly.

At first, it had been easy enough to ignore. Her connection to Amy is so palpable, the physical attraction and the subsequent physical intimacy so strong it seemed enough, at first, to sustain the relationship. Hope likes Amy's nerdy, dorky tendencies. It made for interesting conversation so much so that there'd never been a boring moment with Amy. Whether it was books or music or movies, or classes or professors or Amy's various political causes - with the #MeToo movement, the LBGTQ movement, the You Know Me movement, her anti-gun protests, her active involvement in the Green Party - there was never a dull moment. But as her graduation loomed and Amy's senior year approached, they seemed to have never talked about what they would do after Hope finished at NYU and Amy at Columbia. Amy never brought the subject up and Hope hadn't wanted to broach the subject, didn't want to seem clingy or needy. There had been times when she had wanted to bring it up, that she'd been looking at apartments in the city, that she'd been looking at jobs in the city, that she'd actually applied at NBC, and had some other possible prospects, but Amy never seemed to have warmed to New York, hated it in fact. Hated the rodent infestation, hated the pollution, hated the garbage strewn on the streets, hated the traffic and hated winter. There had never been a time in the past when Amy hadn't complained about winter and the last winter, which had hit New York so badly it had frozen train tracks and they couldn't get warm enough even with the heater at full blast, had made Amy hate New York even more. Said she missed California even more. Never mind that California had forest fires and gun violence and gang violence and droughts that would make anyone want to move somewhere else. Hope loves L.A. but unlike Amy, New York has been growing on her. She loves the campus, loves Washington Square, loves Central Park, loves exploring all these nifty little shops and restaurants that offer food from different parts of the globe that make her feel like she's traveled to other places, Anthony Bourdain style. She's grown to like the Macy's Day parade, the pride parades, the New Year's eve countdown, the various activities and events in and around the city, clubs and bars that feature underground music, free impromptu concerts in and around the subway, mimes and aspiring artists and musicians and dancers in the park, galleries that feature trendy paintings, plays on Broadway, and the whole gamut of New York life that she hadn't been able to enjoy the first time she came to New York but now can, now that she knows the city a little bit better. There are places to avoid, of course, alleys and streets and other places you have to keep away from to avoid being mugged, but overall, she likes this city now. And she likes it even better because Amy is here.  But Amy hadn't shown any indication she wanted to stay, and has, on more than one occasion, mentioned she misses her mom. She's thus assumed Amy would probably move back to L.A.or some place nearer to be near her parents. Hope, having grown up with divorced parents didn't have the kind of relationship Amy has with her parents. In fact, Joyce wanted her to just explore and find herself. 

Maybe she should have told Amy what she wanted. But she'd been afraid of what Amy would say. She knows Amy is serious about their relationship. But she also knows Amy is realistic and pragmatic.

Hope had spent her life never asking for anything, having realized at such a young age that to ask for things meant they could be taken away from you. Amy had been the first one she'd actively sought, their relationship something she'd worked for. From the moment Amy had kissed her in the bathroom, when she'd realized she wanted her as much as Amy, that she wanted things to happen between them, she'd known, after things had calmed down, that she'd wanted to go to her house, give her number and keep in touch with Amy. She'd known that when Amy had told her she could come visit her in Botswana that she would. Known she wanted to try again with her, that first time at the airport in Botswana when she'd seen her again. And when Amy had kissed her again, she'd known she wanted her still, would probably still want her and when Amy had come to New York and they'd picked up where they left off, she knew she'd always want Amy. And one of the best things that ever happened then, especially when Amy had told her she loved her, in the quad, was that Amy wanted her, too. 

But something in Hope felt like it had been too good to be true. That her luck will run out. That, much like her parents when her grandparents had forced them to divorce, she'd have to let go, because reality would sink in, because Amy had suddenly woken up and realized Hope's still actually a bitch, despite her best efforts. That she'd rather be somewhere else than be with her. 

And she didn't want that. Didn't want to be the dumpee. Didn't want to be there when it all eventually went to hell. 

She already feels like she's let her guard down too easily with Amy countless times. In the bathroom at Nick's party. In Botswana. In New York, in their dorm rooms and outside. She'd let Amy in, left herself defenseless and now she'd have to deal with being heartbroken.

When she'd been younger and seen how her mother struggled, she'd promised herself she wouldn't let anyone in. It was easier to be alone, to be mean and bitchy and angry and have people hate you rather than be hurt and rejected by them. And for awhile it worked. But then she met Amy. Amy with her dorky clothes and her dorky smile and her  meaningless protests and her adorable, cute face and her passion and dedication for everything. Amy and her hot soup and hotdogs and sandwiches and hot cocoa and Chinese take out for Hope, her touches and smiles and all that she was and is for Hope.

She'd remembered that day Amy had confessed she loved Hope at the quad and Hope had felt like her breath had been knocked out of her. And she'd known Amy meant every word of it. Could see it in her eyes. In the desperation and vulnerability and fear she could see there, preparing to be turned down by Hope but hoping she wouldn't. And she remembered getting pancakes and Molly going to the bathroom and Amy sitting beside her, staring at her hands and Hope rolling her eyes and saying, "You can hold my hand, you nerd", and Amy blushing in that cute, flustered way and stammering and being unable to look Hope in the eye. And Hope had leaned over and teased her and said, "Although...you ready to have people stare at you? Because yeah, we have rights and marriage and shit, but homophobes abound and I know you're perfect little sheltered life might find that a bit hard..." Amy had looked at her then, and said, voice thick with emotion and longing, hand reaching out to Hope, "Then unshelter me." She'd said it so simply, it struck something inside Hope, and if they hadn't been in a restaurant, Molly in the bathroom, she'd have kissed and made loved to Amy right then and there. Later though, in the privacy of Hope's room, they do make love, Amy taking off her clothes and Hope's even before the door is closed and locked, kissing her with such passion it overwhelms Hope, hands touching and caressing and making her come even before they hit the bed.

 If truth be told, she'd freaked out about how Amy was, _is_ with her. Hope doesn't just love her. She was _in_ love with her. So fucking in love with her it scared the fuck out of her. Scared it would be taken away from her.

She grabs the ticket, taps it against the table, thinking about what to do next.

***

"This is all bullshit,"Amy finally announces. "I love her. I'm pretty sure she loves me back. We shouldn't be on a break."

Molly smiles. "You should tell her that..."

"I will,"Amy says. "As soon as I get enough courage to tell her..."

Molly rolls her eyes. "Whatever, dude..." She watches Amy, looking all morose and depressed before she says, "Dude, I think you should try. Hope seems like the kind of person who's willing to give it another shot, like she's above all that bullshit...I feel like with her, you can really be happy...I mean you're both weirdly mature for your age. I think you've both got a shot at a lasting relationship. I mean, I just have this feeling. And you know what? Not everyone gets to be with that one perfect person, right away. Some people spend the rest of their lives searching for  the right person. You've already found her. I say, go get her, dude."

***

Hope stands in front of Amy's dorm room, ticket in one hand, glaring at students staring at her as they passed her by. 

 _Fuck it,_ she thinks. Wasn't the juice worth the squeeze? Her brother had told her that once. 

She finally takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

***

Amy hadn't expected Hope standing there when she opens the door, looking shy and awkward and uncomfortable and unbelievably beautiful. She sees people stare at Hope and she knows the other students probably envy her her luck. Screw 'em.

"Hey," Hope begins.

"Hey,"Amy says, heart pounding so hard against her rib cage she can't think.

Hope shoves the ticket towards Amy. "Figured I'd bring you your ticket..."

Amy slowly gets the ticket. "Ticket," she says tonelessly, dumbly, spying the NYU Logo on top of the ticket.

"Yeah. I know we're on a break..but I graduate in a few days and it was fucking dumb anyway...but not that your feelings are dumb...just that calling for a break when we clearly need to work things out was dumb and..."

Amy smiles. "Ah...ha-ha...yeah...I mean what does it even mean...?"

Hope shrugs. "I don't know..."

"I was...going to your dorm," Amy begins. "You beat me to it."

Hope nods. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Amy says. Then she says, in a rush, "I was an idiot...I'm sorry...I should've told you...I mean, you're my girlfriend...I should tell you these things...I mean...I just realized you actually _told_ your family about me when your grandmother and brother and everyone else kept telling me I look shorter but prettier and shit."

"You figured that out only now?" Hope asks with a smile. "Anyway, I overreacted. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have given you shit when I kept things from you, too. It was not very mature and I'm trying these thing where I should act more grown up and shit. Anyway, I can't promise I will be perfect and it's going to be perfect from now on, and I know we have some...communication issues to figure out but I'm willing to try..."

"Me, too. I'm sorry. This is like, my first time in a serious relationship. Half of the time, I don't know what I'm fucking doing."

Hope smiles, tilts her head, says something Amy recognizes from years ago. "Yeah...although for someone who doesn't know what they're doing...you kind of know what you're doing..."

Amy slowly smiles. "That's..." She stops, not knowing what to say. "Um...I know we probably still have a lot to talk about, but can we go back to that later, or skip it altogether? Can we just be kissing now? And maybe make out? 'Cause I heard make-up sex is the best part of fighting." Then she stops, thinks about it before saying, "Not that...I only want you for your body. Although you're seriously fucking hot, like probably more so now than when we were in high school...and like, I also like you for your mind...and stuff...and I also missed you so there's that...sorry...babbling..."

Hope grins. "I think you're cute when you're babbling."

Amy blushes, looking flustered. "Um..yeah..that's...ha-ha...ugh...why you do have to say shit like that? I..."

Hope chuckles and grins, says "Okay" as she surges forward and down, holds Amy and kisses her, almost lifting her off of her feet as some of the other students passing by the hallway whistle and cheer them on. Hope pushes her into her room, slams the door shut and locks it. There'll be time enough later to work things out, but for now, they're both just happy to be together again. 


	7. Chapter 7

Hope is going to be late.

She still has a couple of hours before the ceremony but she's almost pretty sure she's going to be late. She knows this because she'd woken up to Amy already kissing her, lips on her neck, her throat, her breasts, her nipples, teasing and licking and sucking and making her feel all hot, body burning with desire, as Amy's hands slide across her skin, smooth and sensual and insistent. An involuntary moan escapes Hope's lips as Amy settles between her legs, thigh pushing against her, and Hope covers her mouth to keep from making any more noise as Amy buries her face in Hope's neck and hair, fingers finding the heat and wetness between her thighs. Hope's eyes fall on her toga and cap and she swallows. Is reminded about what she has to do today.

"Ames, baby," Hope manages, breath hitching, "I have to go...I'm going to be fucking late..." When Amy pushes against her, Hope gasps and whispers, "So _fucking_ late..."

Amy only hums, moves her head so she can kiss Hope, tongue playful and searching. Hope cups her face as she kisses her back and then Amy slides into her and Hope inhales, pauses, before she starts to move more urgently against Amy, loving the feel of Amy inside her. As they move together, the bed creaking softly beneath their weight, Hope rolls them over so she's on top of Amy and Amy's underneath her. Amy's eyes widen in desire, hand holding Hope's waist, as Hope holds Amy with one hand, the other holding on to the top of the bed, as she takes Amy in, rocks slowly against her, moaning, eyes closed. As she picks up the pace, rocks faster and faster, Amy stops pushing against her, lets Hope ride her, feels Hope's breath hitch as she surges up and squeezes Amy, eyes closed in pleasure as she comes, shuddering and moaning, before she leans over and kisses Amy. But Amy isn't stopping though and Hope groans in protest, so Hope's fingers slide down Amy's stomach and in between her thighs, and Amy falters, stops, savoring Hope being inside her. When Hope is fully inside her, the bed creaks again and as they move faster and faster, the bed thumps against the wall over and over and over again until they both come and fall on the bed, limbs tangled with each other, bodies sweaty and sated and exhausted.

"Fuck," Hope manages as she tries to catch her breath.

Amy smiles. "Was...was that good for you?"

Hope looks at her."You already know it was."

"So, I guess there _is_ a particular way you prefer,"Amy teases her as she rolls on top of her and kisses her on the neck.

Hope just grins, saying nothing, one eyebrow quirked. Amy doesn't know why but just seeing Hope lying there naked is turning her on again.

"Amy, stop, I seriously need to get ready for the ceremony," Hope says as she sits up, runs a hand on her long hair.

Amy grins. "What am I doing?"

Hope rolls her eyes and shakes her head as she sits up. "I'm going to shower now."

Amy smiles impishly.

"No, no shower sex, babe, sorry,"Hope quickly says.  "You know why."

Amy smiles teasingly, watching as Hope hauls her naked body out of bed. 

Amy knows, of course. They've done it a couple of times but find that with the height difference, and with both's need to get clean and fresh,shower sex was actually very counter-productive. She remembers that time they were visiting Molly and hanging out with her and Anabelle and a handful of other Yale girls, sitting in a circle in someone's bedroom drinking and getting high and everyone, already either tipsy or high had started talking about sex and started playing "Never Have I Ever" and someone brought up shower sex and as everyone started talking about it, Amy had blurted out, "Shower sex is overrated." A complete silence had settled on the group as everyone stopped and stared at her. She'd blushed so hard her face looked like a tomato but she continued, "I know people think it's hot and sexy or whatever but you're wet and cold because the hot shower has run out and everything's slippery and the soap keeps slipping and even if you switch to shower gel it's still the same and you can't actually kiss 'cause you're all soapy and shampoo-y and there's the real danger of slipping on tiles. In fact, studies show the most dangerous place in the house is the bathroom. Around 235,000 accidents happen in the bathroom, according to the CDCC." Everyone had stared at her, not knowing what to say. "I mean... I've heard...there's some research about it..." Amy had continued, blushing.

"Yeah? What journal?" somebody challenges.

"Kinsey?" Amy had said, drinking from her cup.

Silence settles over everyone.Earlier, they'd dismissed her as just another dorky Ivy League nerd, but her blurting that had changed their minds. When Hope, who'd gone to the bathroom had come back, put an arm around Amy and asked, "What did I miss?" Anabelle had drunkenly and irritatedly replied, "Your girlfriend thinks shower sex is overrated."

Everyone had looked from Hope to Amy and back. Amy had put her hand on Hope's thigh.

Hope had thought of that and nodded, saying, "It's true." When the other girls wait for more details. Hope shrugs, "She's very good at research."

Finally, one girl had raised her hand and said, "She's right. It's overrated."

As everyone starts to talk at the same time, Hope had leaned over to Molly and asked, "She's high, isn't she?"

"A little bit. Also drunk."

Hope had nodded. "Thought I told you to keep an eye out for her."

"You don't know these girls."

"You're high, too, aren't you?"

"A little bit," Molly says sheepishly. "Don't worry, everyone's going to forget this tomorrow."

"We can all hope,"Hope says. 

Around them everyone had started talking at once: "It's so fucking overrated." "How d'you even get clean?" "It's so uncomfortable." "Swimming pool sex is overrated, too."

"Well...making out in the swimming pool is fine, but full on sex just seems very unsanitary," Amy comments. 

Everyone thinks about that and then everyone is slowly nodding, agreeing. 

"Fuck, nerds talking about sex, this is fucking creepy," Hope mutters.

"What, you don't talk about sex at Tisch?" Molly challenges.

"No, we just do it, we don't talk about it like a bunch of nerds,"Hope says with a roll of her eyes.

Then, somebody screams, "Never have I ever scissored someone!" 

As a few of the girls, including Molly, start to drink their beer, Amy, Hope and Anabelle just sit there. Molly's eyes widen and she points at Anabelle. Anabelle just shrugs.

"Dude," Hope says, fist bumping Anabelle. 

"What?" Anabelle says. "I like to keep my options open. What happens in Yale...stays in Yale..."

"Still think scissoring is not a thing," Amy says.

Hope just chuckles. 

When Molly looks at Hope, she laughs even more. "It's uncomfortable."

"It's...not a very enjoyable experience," Amy says. 

"Then you're doing it wrong!"a girl drunkenly quips.

"I just...read it...in some research," Amy had insisted as Hope snaps at the girl and says, "I'm sorry, are you gay and have you actually tried it?"

"No, but..."

"So, unless you've tried it and enjoyed it, scissoring isn't a thing," Hope had said. "And also, for the record, 'Blue is the Warmest Color' is fucking overrated. I fucking hate that fucking movie."

The girl had drunkenly snorted. "Way to ruin my fantasies about sex...Next thing you know you're going to say 69-ing is overrated."

"Well..."Amy had said, holding up her hands. "It is..."

Everyone throws popcorn at her.

"It's true," Amy had said, shielding herself from popcorn. 

"Way to ruin everything!"

"My life is a lie!" 

"That can't be right!"

"You're doing it wrong!"

Amy rolls her eyes. "It's true. It's uncomfortable and the geometry is all wrong and frankly, exhausting and there's the real possibility of cramps,  head injuries and asphixiation...according to...the CDCC..."

"What?!?" drunk girl says. "Not true..."

Hope leans over and says, "Nice save, babe."

"Shut up," Amy says, blushing as Hope chuckles, both recalling the time they _had_ tried it and though they kind of enjoyed it, they'd spent half of the time moving around, adjusting positions, getting neck cramps from the position. In the end, they'd given up and Amy had said, "They make it look easy! Fuck 69 seriously!"

Amy shrugs and says, "To each his or her own, I guess..."

"What the fuck do _you_ enjoy then?" drunk girl asks. 

Amy shakes her head and shrugs, grabs a drink and grins. 

Everyone starts throwing popcorn at her as she laughs. Hope just drinks her beer and chuckles.

"No fair!"

"Spill!"

"Details!"

She just keeps shaking her head and Hope just grins beside her.

***

They'd accidentally discovered Hope being on top as Amy entered her was an optimal position when they were trying out a strap on. Or more Amy had worn it and they tried to do it. They'd tried to buy a strap on once from a sex shop and a very chipper, surfer dude kind of girl with curly hair had asked them what they wanted.  

"Um, what do you have?" Amy had asked, flustered.

Hope had hung back, quirking a smile, one eyebrow raised, arms crossed infront of her, watching the scene unfold. When Amy glances back at her, Hope gives her a lop-sided smile, shrugs.

The girl takes a deep breath and says, "Depends on what you want...size, girth, length, texture, color..."

As Amy's face starts to turn red, the girl continues, starts to talk about ridges and how life like they want it to be, and when the girl starts to hand her each one in every different shape, size and color, she hears Hope chuckling in the back and Amy flustered and panicking and making that sound she makes when she's anxious: "Ah...ha-ha...this is...wow...I never thought there were so many...different...um... sizes...and shapes...and colors..."

Hope clears her throat. "Yeah, we should probably go..."

"And wow...! Girth...that's wow..."

Hope just stares at her then and says, as she grabs her arm, "Yeah. We should go, right now."

They are quiet as they exit the sex shop, but when they step out, Hope  looks at Amy, Amy looks back, and Hope tries to keep a straight face before she finally loses it and starts to laugh. Amy glares at her but as Hope keeps on laughing, Amy finally caves and laughs, too.

Amy covers her face with her hand and says, voice muffled, "Oh my fucking _god_."

Hope puts an arm around her and kisses her on the head. "You wanted to go to a real live sex shop and _choose_ one."

"Why didn't you stop me?" Amy asks.

"Why would I stop a potentially entertaining trainwreck?" Hope asks her. 

"I hate you so much right now," Amy says.

"No, you don't."

"No, I don't, damn it."

Hope just looks at her then and says, "We can also order this online, in the privacy of our dorm rooms..."

Amy stops, slowly removes her hands from her face and says, "Why didn't I think about that?"

"Too excited to think about it?"Hope asks.

Amy glares at her.

"Whatever, nerd," Hope says with a grin. "By the way, just want to say, Ginsburg is still _not_ going to be our safe word."

"It's a good word."

"No, it's not. And neither is Hillary or Obama..."

"Alright, fine,"Amy says as they leave the shop.

***

When they'd finally gotten one and Amy had tried it on, Amy had knelt behind Hope and said, "Okay, this is kind of weird...but we've got lube, sexy music, safe words and...ha-ha...yeah...this is a go..."

Hope looks at her. "Amy, you're being weird."

"Um...I'm kind of...ha-ha...nervous and..."

"Ames, we can stop if you want..."

Amy shakes her head. "No, we are not stopping..."

Hope chuckles. "Okay."

"Okay."

But when Amy doesn't do anything, Hope says, encouraging smile on her face, "Think we could...you know...?"

"Okay."

Amy rests one hand on Hope's waist, running the other hand on Hope's smooth naked back. She feels Hope shiver then. She then inhales, holds it up and slowly enters her from behind, Hope toppling forward, bracing herself on her elbows, a sharp intake of breath escaping from her lips as she grimaces.

"Are you...okay? Is this okay?" Amy says, stopping, feeling so many different sensations filling her, Hope's backside pushing against her as Amy slowly pulls out and pushes back in as slowly again. 

Hope bites her lip then and says, "Um, it's okay..."

"Are you sure?" Amy asks again as she continues. "This feels...weird...I don't know why people like this..."

Hope swallows, looks up and says, "Um...Ginsburg?"

"What?"

"Ginsburg,"Hope quickly says, turning her head and looking at Amy.

"Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, I just used our safe word..."

"I thought we agreed we'd have any safe word _but_ Ginsburg..."

"Okay, red, red, whatever,"Hope says. "Just...I don't...I don't think this is a good idea..."

Amy stops. "Oh,god, I'm so sorry." She pulls out then and says, "I'm so sorry. I talked you into this... I checked my geometry..."

"It's okay," Hope says then. "I wanted to..."

"My geometry must've been off...again.."

"Don't worry about it, babe,"Hope says. "It's not your geometry...It's the right one...it's just...can you lie back for a sec?"

Amy stops, confused. "Um...Okay."

"Just...I'd like to try something...just...trust me on this."

Hope watches as Amy lies back. As she lies back on the bed, Hope sits on Amy's thighs, legs stretching for miles. Amy's hands slide on Hope's thighs as she waits for Hope,the hot thrum of desire pounding through her. Amy watches as Hope just grabs her hand and puts in between her legs. As Amy starts to caress her, Hope's eyes close in pleasure as she moves slowly against Amy, moaning her approval. A surge of desire rushes up to Amy and she sits up, holds Hope, kisses her and lays her on her back, Amy on top of her, fingers still between her legs. Amy kisses a trail down her body, tongue licking and sucking skin, nipples, navel, before her lips move between Hope's thighs and touches the heat within. As her tongue teases Hope, she slides into her, and Hope arches her back, moans, as she starts to move in a rhythm with Amy. Amy feels Hope's heat and pleasure on her fingers, her tongue, feels her throbbing core within her. She moves back up to kiss Hope, as Hope grabs the strap on and guides it to her core. Amy looks down, then up at Hope,  as Hope takes the strap on slowly, sliding on it,inch by inch. Hope's eyes close, legs and arms wrapping around Amy, as Amy slowly moves against her, thrusting into her. They both moan and groan and Amy manages to say, "You're right this is better..."

Hope gasps and says, "Babe, just..." and she grabs Amy's backside and pushes her in and Hope's lips form an "oh" as the pleasure hits her over and over again. Hope grabs Amy's hand and guides it between her thighs. Amy gets the idea and starts to stimulate her. Hope makes a sound, a gasp, stops, arches her back, eyes closed and Amy knows she's just come for her. But she's fascinated by what they're doing and she keeps on thrusting against her and Hope's hands fly up to Amy's body and she rolls them over, so that Hope is on top of her, Amy still inside her. Hope braces her   hands on the headboard as she slowly moves up and down, teeth biting her lower lip as she moves against Amy. Amy holds on to her waist, as she thrusts upward, hears herself moan as the strap on presses against her, hears Hope's answering moan. Amy gazes at her, eyes full of love and wonder as Hope's movements become faster and more urgent and as she is about to come, surging forward to take Amy in, Amy sits up to meet her, encloses her in an embrace, Hope's long arms coming around her neck as Amy's lips slide on Hope's chest, licking and kissing and sucking as Hope comes with a moan and a shudder, trembling in pleasure and satisfaction and Hope whispers, " _Fuck_ , I love you" and Amy whispers back, "I love you, too."

Later, when Hope lies cradled in Amy's arms, Hope then kisses her and says, " _That_ was okay. I would prefer that over doggie style any day." 

Amy had chuckled then and said, "Okay."

***

Amy remembers this as she watches Hope and a surge of affection goes through her. People are right: Make-up sex is something worth fighting for.

She remembers the night they'd reconciled, when Hope had surprised her by appearing on her doorstep, all apologies and explanations. Amy knows it had been significant. Hope isn't like other people. She can be a bitch if she wants to be but when she's in the wrong she'll go all the way to her, wherever she is, just to apologize. But Amy knows she'd been at fault, too and they spend the night just talking about things: Amy's internship in UNDP China, what they're going to do with logistics, what Hope will do after graduation, living arrangements and jobs and families and the future.

Hope had surprised her when she'd revealed she'd been looking for jobs in New York. "I'd applied to some jobs here...at NBC, CBS, Warner, Viacom, Disney... even Silvercup and some...video game companies, too..."

Amy had nodded. "Okay."

"Yeah," Hope says, looking down at Amy's bedsheet and brushing imaginary lint from it before looking up again. "I...figured I'd stay here for awhile while you finish senior year..." When Amy doesn't say anything, Hope quickly says, "Not that...I want you to stay after graduation just for me...I mean I know you don't like New York and you miss your mom...and whatever...but I wanted to see if I could get jobs here before I try some place else, so..."

Amy looks at her, surprised Hope would stay for her. Hope looks sure about her decision, but unsure about Amy herself. Something about what Hope had said had touched something in Amy though and it dawns on Amy how much Hope really cares for her. She reaches out for Hope's hand, and with the other holds Hope's cheek. "You...you'd do that for me?" Amy asks softly, eyes searching Hope's.

Hope shrugs. "I mean...yeah...Of course, I would. Why wouldn't I?"

Amy moves to kiss Hope then, surprising Hope with the intensity of her kiss. Then Amy slowly pulls back then and says, "No one has ever done that for me before..."

Hope smiles. "Yeah?"

Amy nods, overwhelmed with emotions, eyes almost welling up with tears. "That's...that's the sweetest thing anyone's done for me..."

Hope's smile widens. "It's not a big deal, Ames, seriously...New York has great opportunities...I kind of also just know what I want...I just... want to be with you..."

Amy's eyes tear up. "Oh..."

Hope half-chuckles. "Oh, my god, Ames, it's okay seriously. Don't...are you crying...?"

Amy hits her on the shoulder. "You're ruining the moment."

Hope grins. "Sorry." She leans over, puts a hand on Amy's face and says, "Ames, there's never been a time when I'm not...loving you...of course I'd stay here for you..."

Amy's wipes the tear from her eye. "What about Sitka?"

Hope snorts. "Sitka? Have you seen Sitka?"

Amy laughs.

"I mean it's fucking awesome and shit but my family knows I've always wanted to...try stuff on my own first...and if I fail...Sitka's going to be there, waiting for me..."

"What about Aunt Lydia?"

"What about her?"

"She told me...you'd be wasting your potential..."

Hope rolls her eyes. "She's been saying that forever...to my dad, my brother, me...everyone else in Sitka..."

Amy chuckles. "Really?"

Hope nods. "Anyway...I've already got an apartment...you can move your stuff there before you go to Shanghai...come back and get them when you go back to Columbia...I don't know where you'll be after your graduation...but if you ever decide to stay in New York...you know you always have a place to crash on..."

Amy slowly smiles. "Yeah..."

"Yeah...you're under no obligation to stay, like I said...but...yeah..."

Amy kisses her again. "What if I want to?"

Hope's smile is like the sun coming up. "Yeah?"

Amy shrugs. "I'm still thinking of graduate school...get my master's in Columbia..."

"Of course you do, you nerd..."

Amy laughs. "Yeah. And I'm hoping to get a job in the UN...I mean my job will probably be like getting people coffee or filing or translating Chinese for foreign diplomats but yeah..." 

"Okay," Hope says.

"Yeah." She kisses Hope then. "And New York's growing on me, I guess. Or maybe that's just because of you..."

"So, I guess we're...fucking doing this,"Hope says. 

Amy nods. "Yeah, I guess we are," she says as she leans over and kisses Hope. She draws back then and says, "But we're splitting the rent...and the bills...and food...and stuff..."

"Okay," Hope says,kissing her.

"'Cause I know you're super rich...or at least your family is... But we're not starting out... _that_ way, with you  paying all the time and me kind of... _not_..."

Hope grins as she teasingly says, "Well, I was hoping if you couldn't pay your half that you'd just pay me in orgasms."

Amy blushes so hard, so predictably like clockwork, that Hope has to laugh out loud. 

"That...uh...ha-ha...as a gender studies major I don't...know how to feel about that but..."

Hope leans over and kisses her. "You know what I mean..."

Amy nods, realizing she _does_ understand what Hope is saying. "So, um...what now?"

"We take it one step at a time, Ames...see where it goes," Hope says. "But right about now, I guess we should make out? I hear make-up sex is really fucking awesome."

"Uh...ha-ha...that's..." Amy says, blushing. "That's a great idea," she continues as she kisses Hope.

There is no talk about anything else the rest of the night but moans and groans of pleasure.

***

Amy had already moved her stuff into Hope's new apartment. She'd sorted out visas and tickets and accomodations and paperwork and had even managed to pre-enroll in a subject or two in Shanghai once she found out Columbia had a campus in Shanghai, too, so she knows she at least has a couple core subjects out of the way. She'd helped Hope move in and they'd had a celebratory moving in party, which meant, for the two of them, cheap grocery store wine, Chinese take-out and sex on Hope's new mattress. The apartment itself is small but roomy, with a kitchen and a small receiving area. Hope had wanted to just sort out apartment details before she attends the ceremony so she could do other things as well.

As Hope emerges from the bathroom freshly showered, she jumps in after, grimacing at the cold water, before she starts showering.

When she's done, Hope's already dressed in a simple black dress, that stops at her knees, giving Amy a glimpse of her endless legs.

"What do you think?" Hope asks as she slips into her heels.

Amy looks at her. "It's perfect. You're perfect."

Hope grins. "Thanks. So are you."

"I'm naked."

"Exactly."

Amy rolls her eyes as she quickly dresses.

"You ready?" Hope asks, graduation toga and dress on her arm. "Tate's coming with Mom. Jaden and Kaylani couldn't make it, so..."

Amy nods. "Let's do this."

"Okay."

Hope and Amy step out into a bright new day.


	8. Part 2

China is huge.

Amy's already known it was from AP Geography and all that, but nothing prepares her for how overwhelmingly massive it is. From the moment she lands in Shanghai to the moment she gets into the airport, past immigration and baggage and into the crowd of people, where she almost gets lost, she realizes just how large China is, and by extension the world and how tiny and insignificant she is in the grand scheme of things.

"But what is an ocean but billions of tiny, insignificant little drops of water?" Hope had pointed out with an encouraging smile when they'd finally been able to Skype a couple of days later. Amy had also realized just how hard it is to communicate outside China - with facebook and twitter and google and even youtube banned, she'd had to look for ways to contact her girlfriend some other way. Thankfully, Skype is still accessible, for which she is grateful. She apologizes profusely to Hope for not being able to call her right away. She'd called Hope as soon as she could and almost forgot to call her parents and Molly after. Amy and Hope had to figure out time differences and what the best time to call is and they'd settled on a weekend, when it was a Saturday morning in New York ("'Cause apparently your girlfriend is more boring than you thought,"Hope had said with a roll of her eyes) and it was Saturday night in Shanghai. Hope had said, to Amy's apology, in that nonchalant, cool way of hers, "It's okay, really. Figured China'd give you a hard time and shit."

She'd immediately given Hope a rundown of her trip then, the flight (good, airplane food still the same as always, bland and tasteless), the in-flight entertainment ("They had documentaries!" "I'm sure you had fun, you nerd.") and her first impressions of China ("Big, huge, massive, like you can't even...people spilling out of everywhere... I thought New York was big,but Shanghai has nothing on New York! It kind of made me realize how tiny and insignificant I am."). And so Hope had reassured her she might be a tiny drop in the ocean but that same ocean cannot exist without its tiny drops, because Hope is good at things like that - saying the right things and making Amy feel a bit better and a little less homesick.

Because if truth be told, Amy __is__  a little homesick. The moment she'd landed and realized most of the people looked Asian, that she was the other, the foreigner in this country, she'd immediately felt homesick. And realizing she isn't going to see Hope or her parents or Molly anytime soon in the next six months had made her even more homesick. But especially Hope. She realizes that she really misses her girlfriend.

"It's just six months, babe,"Hope had told her. "That's going to go by real fast. Before you know it, you're back in New York and having sex with me at my swanky new apartment."

Amy had laughed and rolled her eyes at that and peered at her screen and wished she could touch Hope's smooth face right now. But Hope is millions of miles away from her and the time difference is for shit and Hope had stayed up late waiting for her. She'd been touched by that, too. "I love you,"she blurts out then.

Hope chuckles. "Love you, too, nerd. Anabelle and Molly are coming over later? 'Cause apparently we're fucking friends now."

Amy laughs. "Okay." Molly had told her she was going to drop by New York on her way to Washington, and Anabelle, unsure whether to stay in Boston or go to New York or go back to L.A. had wanted to tag along.

"Why do your friends want to fucking hang out with me?"Hope whines then. "I mean, what did I do wrong? I was mean to them, I was a bitch to them, I showed no indication whatsoever that I want to be friends with them...Why do they keep showing up? I mean, __fuck__...they're your friends, Ames, not mine."

Amy laughs. "Well, they're your friends now,too, honey."

Hope makes a face but  smiles affectionately, feeling her heart drop at Amy's unconscious term of endearment.

Amy sighs.

"What?" Hope asks.

"I miss you,"Amy confesses. "Like, I really fucking miss you."

Hope grins. "You sure it isn't just the mindblowing sex?"

Amy blushes, as Hope expected her to, so Hope chuckles. The night before Amy's flight they'd gone out for a quiet dinner. Hope had worn a black dress that stopped short of her knees so Amy had been distracted the whole dinner and when they'd gone back to Hope's apartment, they'd barely locked the door before Amy is all over her, hand under Hope's skirt, between her legs, Hope pinned to the wall, Amy's lips on her skin. Hope had whispered to her then, trying to bite back the moan, "Not here, babe, on the bed. Take me to bed, babe." Hope had whispered it so urgently, with such need and want in her voice, Amy would have carried her to the bed if she could,hot desire surging through her as she pulls Hope to the bed.  They barely make it to the bed, Amy already inside Hope, making her come so quickly it surprises them both. Amy makes love to her like it's their last night, kisses her like she'll never kiss her again, lips kissing and licking and sucking her core  like she'll never taste her again and when she enters her, Hope gasps, cries out in pleasure, holds on to her, so close Amy feels like she won't ever let her go. After she comes, Hope whispers, "Stay. I want you in me. I like feeling you in me" and the desire flares in Amy again. They fall asleep in each other's arms, arms tight around each other, Amy's head buried in the crook of Hope's neck, Hope's chin resting on Amy 's head, both lulled to sleep by the rhythm of each other's breathing.

***

The next day Hope had taken Amy early to JFK airport by taxi, Hope's hand resting comfortably on Amy's thigh as Amy rambled about nothing. They'd wanted to go earlier than Amy's flight, not just so Amy can check in properly but to avoid delays and traffic and so that they can spend some time together. As Hope quietly watched traffic go by, she'd listened to Amy's chatter, about how the flight time is fifteen hours, the time difference is twelve hours, and how Hope would have to wait a few hours til Amy sorted things out.

"I've read Lonely Planet and Fodor and wiki and all the books and blogs and posts I can get my hands on and watched the vlogs and videos on youtube, but I feel like it's not enough, like that's just the tip of the iceberg,"Amy had rambled. "I'm not sure about how regular I can keep in touch with you...I mean, Facebook, Google, Instagram, wikipedia, are banned. Not to mention Vimeo, Dailymotion, even The New York Times!"

"Yeah, you did mention that,"Hope had replied with a smile. "You mentioned even Pinterest and Tumblr were banned. And Wattpad, HBO and Netflix."

"Oh, yeah, right."

Hope grins, "How can you read your fanfiction when it's banned?"

Amy grins back.

Hope continues, "And Pornhub."

Amy had smiled."Right? What the fuck is up with that? Fucking Pornhub, what the fuck?"

Hope had chuckled. She leans over and whispers, "How on earth are you getting your freak on? Think we should try phone sex?"

Amy had blushed. "That's...uh...um...ha-ha...I don't..." she begins, but then she clears her throat, "Not sure about that...um...the Chinese government might be listening...don't want them listening in on my sex life."

Hope chuckles. "Don't want them listening in as you awkwardly ask me what I'm wearing..."

Amy rolls her eyes. She changes the subject. "I'm not sure about VPN. I'll see what I can do about that...but good thing, Skype isn't banned."

Hope nods, humming and chuckling. "Sure."

"They say I should get qq and wechat and I've downloaded them but having trouble with the app,"Amy continues.

Hope squeezes her thigh. "I'm sure you'll be fine. __We'll__  be fine. It's only six months. It's not the rest of your life."

Amy had smiled at Hope's reassuring smile. She reaches for Hope's hand and squeezes it.

***

Their goodbye at the airport had been casual, Hope never one to publicly display her affection in an airport surrounded by thousands of passengers.

"Well, I've...got to go..." Amy had said.

Hope smiles. "Okay. You take care."

"Yup,can't be late for my flight," Amy continues.

"You're not moving."

"You're not moving, either."

"I'll go if you go first."

"No, you go first."

"No, you go."

"You first."

Then they both hear the announcement for Amy's  flight on China Airlines.

"That's you, right?" Hope asks.

"Yup. That's me."

"Alright. I'll see you," Hope says. "Have fun, nerd."

Amy laughs. "You, too," she says, as she reaches for her luggage.

"Don't miss me too much," Hope jokes.

"I probably will," is what slips out of  Amy's mouth before she can stop herself.

Hope grins.

"I mean, not that I'm being too needy or clingy or whatever,"Amy quickly adds. "I'm just going to miss..."

"The sex?"

"Yes," Amy automatically says before she realizes what she's agreed to. She blushes and quickly says, "I mean...no...I mean yes...I mean a relationship shouldn't only be defined by sex, I know...although I read in a Cosmo article that a healthy sex life is crucial to a succesful relationship..."

"Cosmo?" Hope asks, scrunching up her nose. "Aren't you against, like, media organizations like Cosmo that perpetuate cis heteronormative misconceptions about sex and sexuality?"she asks with a twinkle in her eye.

"Errr...right,"Amy replies. "But they have some...err, interesting articles on sex...I sometimes read 'em...for research..."

Hope laughs out loud. "Okay, nerd. Go before you miss your flight."

Amy nods and waves,starts to wheel her luggage to Departures, trying not to let her eyes well up with tears.

But just then, she feels a hand grab her and she is turned around and faced with Hope's whole body bent and hugging her, lanky frame awkwardly leaning towards her, long arms enclosing her in a warm embrace, head buried in Amy's neck. Amy's arms go around Hope's neck, body molding itself to Hope's. Amy is amazed that despite Hope's height, they seem to fit each other perfectly.

"You take care, nerd," Amy hears Hope's muffled, unmistakably affectionate voice against her neck.

Amy squeezes her. "Okay. I love you. Really."

"I know,"Hope whispers in Amy's ear. "Same here, nerd."

Amy laughs. "Okay. I'll call you as soon as I get there..."

Hope unwraps her arms around Amy and straightens up. "Okay."

"I mean, not sure if I can right away, I mean I don't know if the airport has wi-fi or how long til I get to my place but I'll make sure to contact you as soon as I can."

Hope half-chuckles. "Okay."

***

After what seems like hours of catching up, Amy describing her first impressions of Shanghai, the streets, the bicycles, the food, the people, her apartment, and Hope listens and in turn tells her a bit about how her jobhunting is going ("It's going great! I have not heard from any of the places I've applied to,"Hope says) Hope grins then and says, "So...what are you wearing?"

Amy makes a face, confused. "I'm wearing a white shirt. You can see it  very clearly."

Hope rolls her eyes. "Ames...not your shirt...I mean...your underwear..."

"Hope!" Amy hisses, blushing. "Are you crazy? Someone could be listening in!"

Hope grins. "Like who? And I don't get it. How can phone sex be worth listening in on? Is it going to spark a revolution?"

Amy says, sarcastically, "Yeah, because talking about my underwear could be code..."

"It could make Chinese people go horny, realize the one-child policy is crap and try to overthrow the government so their sex lives won't be regulated," Hope says.

"Actually, the one-child policy..."

"Yeah, no babe, thanks, no need to give me a lecture on China's one-child policy,"Hope smiles. "Sorry."

When Amy starts to yawn, Hope says, "Sleepy?"

Amy nods, covering her mouth. "So sorry. Jetlag and shit."

"It's okay. Talk to you soon?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

***

But then, a couple of hours later, Amy is still wide awake. She is tired and sleepy but can't fall asleep. She feels a headache coming on. The city is quiet, but for the occassional car or dog barking or cat meowing or passersby laughing and chatting. Her room is dark save for the illumination from the street light across the street. She grabs her phone then, mindlessly tries to scroll through her Instagram feed before realizing she can't access it. She sighs and googles VPN but then realizes she can't use google either. She opens her Skype and finds that Hope is still online. She makes herself invisible online and messages Hope.

 _ _You there?__  she asks Hope. She waits awhile, as she counts the time difference and thinks maybe Hope has taken a nap or gone out but then she sees Hope typing a message.

_'Yeah, I'm here.'_

_'What are you doing? '_

_'Lying on the bed, thinking of you. '_

_'Oh. Ha-ha. Okay. '_

_'Why are you still up? Shouldn't you already be asleep? Planning your next scheme for nerdy world domination? '_

_'Ha-ha. I can't sleep.'_

_'Yeah? '_

_'Yeah.'_

_'Why? '_

_'Don't know. I've been out of the country before...and I should get used to being in a different place by now...but it takes awhile for me to adjust...like everything's just different...'_

_'You're homesick.'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'You want to know what I do sometimes when you're not around and I can't sleep?'_

_'What? '_

_'It's stupid.'_

_'What? Tell me.'_

_'Nah.'_

_'What? You can't just bring it up and then tell me you don't want to.'_

_'LOL. It's just weird.'_

_'Come on. I won't judge you.'_

__'I know.'__ Hope stops typing, then resumes. _ _'Fine. I get off.'__

Amy stops. Stares at the screen. It's the first time Hope's admitted she also does it. Amy and Molly have been open about it but Hope is never one to talk about sex or masturbation in conversation. She's surprised she brings it up now.  Her thumbs hover above her screen as she thinks about what to say for a few seconds.

When she hasn't replied, Hope hastily types, ' _You're freaking out.'_

_'No, I'm not.'_

_'Sure?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'Okay.'_

_'I used to get off on a panda. Yours isn't freaky.'_

_'Oh, yeah I forgot about that. LOL.'_

_'I'm trying to. But Molly won't let me forget.'_

_'LOL. Okay.'_

__'So...'__ Amy swallows, bites her lower lip _ _._ 'How do you get off? '_

Hope pauses and Amy waits. She watches the screen as it informs her Hope is typing, stops, then the answer appears.

_'I think of you.'_

The desire flares in Amy, her breath hitching at the admission. _'Yeah?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'What do you think about when you think about me? '_

Hope sends a smiley _.' A lot.'_

_'Such as? '_

Amy could almost see Hope shrug.

_'You sure you want to hear this? '_

_'Yes.'_

_'Okay.'_

So Hope tells her.

***

_What I think about when I think about you...and not only when I'm trying to get off...the first time I saw you...at Principal Brown's when I'd just got in to Crockett and you were walking down the hallway, fast, and I'd just finished talking to him and he'd been insisting I call him Jordan or something and I said "No,thanks" and I was opening the door as you were walking by and your face slammed against the door with a loud sound and I'd looked at you and you'd gone cross-eyed before you kind of tilted and fell. I remember you then because just before you fell you'd scrunched up your nose in pain, and I noticed your freckles and your eyes, they were...brown I think? And there was a word written on your forehead, "LOSER" written in ink, spelled backwards and your right arm goes up and there's the same word on your arm and I guessed you'd fallen asleep on your arm and I wonder who wrote that and I realize you were probably going to Principal Brown to complain about it. And it felt like, for a second, like time had passed then I heard Molly's angry growl and her shouting, "What the fuck! You asshole!" And her eyes were like saucers, bulging out of their sockets and it's my first day of school and someone'd just called me an asshole so I say, "Watch where you're going." "She run into a door!" "She was in the way." "Fuck you." "Fuck you." "Aren't you going to apologize?" "Fuck this."_

_I should've apologized, of course. If I hadn't, I'm apologizing now. But you know how in those moments you actually do want to but the longer you put it off it gets harder and harder until, in the end, you kind of give up and say, "What's the fucking point?" 'Cause that's what happened. I went to the clinic and saw you there, icepack on your forehead, your forehead already a huge, swollen lump and as the nurse fusses over you you do that thing where you just spout trivia and shit and you were telling the nurse how pound for pound the skull is stronger than steel and reinforced concrete and you were telling the nurse how many people go to the doctor for bone injuries every year. "Yep, that's how I know you probably don't have a concussion," the nurse said and she told you to just observe yourself, that if you start getting dizzy and nauseated (she said "Nauseous" but I'm going to let that slide...I think you corrected her) then you have to go to the doctor to have it checked out. You hop out of the bed and I was ready to go and apologize but I see Molly and I'm pissed again, so I don't.So that's how we met._

_I'd forgotten about that._

_Yeah. You were cute._

_Stop._

_Cute in a dorky, nerdy way with your patches and your jean jackets and Birkenstocks with your socks and your Station Wagon and your AP classes and your debate team and Model UN and math contests and shit._

_Ha-ha. How do you know all this?_

_What? Like Molly isn't always reminding the student body how fucking brilliant you guys are?_

_Ah...ha-ha. Yeah._

_Yeah. You were cute. But you kind of disappeared in Molly's shadow and we didn't have a lot of classes together that first time. And I just remember being pissed I'd had to go to Crockett but it was either this or Harvard Westlake and that school would piss me off even more. I see you around, sometimes alone, but mostly with Molly, at the cafeteria, or on the grounds or the field, during assembly or games or pep rallies or whatever. I didn't really have any friends but that was okay. I hated most people anyway, and I couldn't stand to be around them so that suited me fine. Principal Brown once encouraged me to join some extracurricular and I'd scowled at him but I did join AVClub. They were a bunch of nerds terrified of girls and didn't know how to talk to them so that suited me fine. We'd just sit around the room fiddling with equipment and hang out in the dark room til some kids, usually the theater kids like George, would ask us to do some stuff for them. We shot a short, like sci-fi, movie with them that first year and I enjoyed it so much I stayed. I mean it was cheesy as fuck but it was fun. I was going to quit before that. They'd ask us to film them the next four years so yeah...so glad I didn't have to shoot their "Shakespeare in the Parking Lot" thing. George's kind of too much and too intense, like a typical fucking theater nerd, so yeah. So yeah, I see you around but you're usually just busy and stuff. Do you remember sophomore year?_

_Yeah?_

_That's when we encounter each other again._

_Oh, yeah?_

_You got even with me by almost running over me. I think it was after school and you were with your mom._

_Oh yeah, I forgot about that.I wasn't getting even though. You got so pissed you hit the hood of the car and yelled "Watch where you're going, nerd."_

_Yeah. You kept apologizing but I'd already felt._

_That was a good thing though._

_How is almost running me over good?_

_Ah...the thought of almost killing another human being made me a better driver._

_Okay._

_So what else?_

_You're really into this?_

_Ah. Ha-ha. To be honest, that night at Nick's I was kind of surprised you kissed me back. Before that time, you showed no indication whatsoever you were into me. Enough that you'd want to make out with me. I can't really make out with anyone I don't like._

_Me, too._

_I mean sex is kind of a big deal, so...Wait...are you saying you liked me before that night?_

_Well...you just said the same thing._

_Ah. Ha-ha. Right. Um. You were hot. You still are. But I felt like I wasn't allowed to really like you because yeah, you were this basic hot girl who doesn't seem to know she's gorgeous, but you were like...basically unattainable._

_And Ryan was?_

_Um, yeah._

_And look how that turned out._

_Ah. Ha-ha. Yeah._

_Your gay radar is off, babe._

_Yeah, I know. I'm working on it._

_What, in case you need to know if there are other straight-looking girls that turn out to be gay in the end?_

_Ah. Ha-ha. That's...not what I meant. I mean, I'm not looking...I already have a girlfriend. I'm...ah...ugh..._

_I'm kidding, you nerd. Don't freak out._

_Ha-ha. Whew. Okay._

_Two years ago._

_What about two years ago?_

_When you low-key came out. I kind of forgot..._

_Ms. Fine's class?_

_Yeah, that's the one. We had one of those stupid writing assignments. A poem I think. We were studying Shakespeare. Taming of the Shrew, I think. I remember because we'd collectively groaned at that. Somebody, I think Theo, said Shakespeare was lame and Ms. Fine started rapping lines from the play and everyone was stunned. "Yeah, that dude Shakespeare knows his shit. So yeah, we're going to study him."  And Ms. Fine asked us to write a poem after. You didn't really say it out loud, but your poem was really gay. And everyone was silent. And Theo had raised his hand then and said,"I don't get it." And Ms. Fine had asked you to explain and you'd laughed that nervous laugh you do when you're, well, being nervous, and told us it's about someone always feeling like being the other, outside looking in, never feeling like being part of the in-crowd. I think your description of someone longing for someone else - you were kind of simultaneously vague and specific because we could read it as both a straight or gay thing - was kind of... lost to most of our classmates. But something about it made it seem angsty and gay enough to be read as you coming out. But I think, slowly, people kind of realized that was you coming out. Molly was surprisingly quiet, and for once didn't seem to want to steal your thunder.  I was sitting behind you then and spent most of the year just staring at the back of your head or at Ms. Fine._

_You ignored me most of that year. Except when you weren't._

_Yeah._

_Yeah._

_No one said a thing as you took your seat, Ms. Fine was all cool and nonchalant about it and everyone then started talking as Ms. Fine continued with the lesson - I think it was about love or some shit - and I'd leaned over then and said, "Hey, Amy." And you turned around and I remember how brown your eyes were. You smiled at me and said, "Yeah?"_

_I remember that._

_Yeah. I asked you, "Did you just...come out to us?" And you kind of laughed nervously and said, "Yeah."  And I said, "Nice."_

_Right! Yeah. And you did that weird stare thing you do as you make sustained eye contact with me as you slowly lean back on your chair and roll your eyes._

_LOL. I was a jerk. I'm sorry. Did Molly know?_

_That you're a jerk?_

_That you were gay, doofus._

_Yeah. I came out to her a few months back. Then I did the whole, like, coming out to my parents thing after. I sat both of them down in the living room after school I think and did the whole, "Mom, dad, I'm gay" thing._

_How was it?_

_They  were surprisingly...um...civil about it, although you can tell they didn't really understand or accept it. Later I heard my mom sobbing in their room and dad comforting her. It was a rough couple of months._

_I'm sorry to hear that._

_Yeah it was cool. So...did you like me then?_

_LOL. Um...You suddenly became a bit cooler, I guess. A little bit less nerdy and dorky. I thought it was a bit bad ass to come out in iambic pentameter infront of the whole class._

_Yeah, and then the blogosphere kind of blew up for awhile, like Crocket Secrets suddenly was like the talk of the town, people kind of just coming out with their own secrets or whatever._

_Oh, yeah! Right. One of the jocks, I think, Allan, quit basketball to focus on theater more or something like that.You did that._

_Ah...ha-ha. No, I didn't._

_Yeah, you did. And I think there were others coming out, other jocks wanting to focus on culinary skills, one coming out as trans I think? Stuff like that._

_And then it all went to hell._

_Oh, yeah, the homophobes online._

_It got so bad Principal Brown had to come in and shut Crockett Secrets down for awhile and had to issue a statement about tolerance and acceptance._

_Yeah. And then that thing happened, at the cafeteria._

_Yeah, 2017 and people are still homophobes._

_But President Trump is in power so._

_Fair point._

_Those kids were assholes._

_Yeah._

_They had it coming._

_But then Molly had gone up to them and shouted, "Is there something you want to tell us?" She was all confrontational and bad ass and shit._

_Yeah. Then Ms. Fine came and confiscated their phones and bluetooth speaker and had them sent to Principal Brown's office, muttering about getting her tubes tied._

_Oh, right._

_Then you set out to get that weird ass gender neutral bathroom._

_You know what they say, 'til all of us can pee without genitals, none of us can!_

_What does that even mean?_

_Ah, ha-ha. It sounds better when I say it to Molly._

_Okay._

_So...you think about all this stuff when you get off?_

_LOL. No. I just...think about you. A lot. Sometimes._

_Ha-ha. Right._

_It's fucking true._

_Okay. I think about you, too. Like a lot. Like an inordinate amount of time. Not that I don't think about other stuff. But like when I'm done with schoolwork and papers and projects and shit I think about you._

_LOL. That's good to know._

_Ha-ha. Okay. Um...Hope?_

_Yeah?_

_I think I'm kind of sleepy now._

_Okay. You want to go to sleep now?_

_Yeah, is that okay with you?_

_Of course it is._

_Ha-ha. Okay._

_Okay._

_Good night._

_Good night, babe._

_I love you._

_Love you, too, nerd._

***

Hope puts her phone down by the dresser then lies back down on the bed, folding her arms behind her head and staring at the ceiling, realizing she misses Amy.

It's the first time she's talked about when she noticed Amy and it makes her feel...weird somehow. Vulnerable. She knows with Amy she could feel safe and she could share anything. But admitting an interest, something close to attraction, even before they hooked up, is something else together.

Her phone buzzes again and she checks and it's Amy with a simple line: _I'm glad you told me. Thank you. Wished you'd asked me out though. Ha-ha. Night._

Hope rolls her eyes. Nerd.

Yes, she'd liked her. She remembers Amy always saying "Hey, Hope" or "Morning!" to her when they see each other at school, without fail, every single day, a couple of years ago. At first it felt weird, then it was just something she put up with, then finally, something she looked forward to, even though most of the time she didn't greet Amy back. Then the hellos and good mornings were reduced to smiles and waves then nods then just Amy passing her by.

And she hadn't realized how much she'd looked forward to Amy's greetings until they stopped.

***

She knows of course.

She remembers those times when Amy presents in English class and she would say, "Yeah, no one wants to listen to 18th Century, chick litt, Amy." "Jane Austen isn't chick litt," she'd insist and Hope would say, "Yeah, whatever." Or when she'd campaigned for a gender neutral bathroom and Hope had said, "Yeah, no one's interested in your meaningless protests, Amy. Most of us just want to pee in private." Then when Amy was holding a  fundraising event for the survivors of the wildfires, and she'd come up to Hope to ask for donations, Hope had said,"Yeah, not interested." Each time Amy would ask to join a cause, a protest, a school activity or a project, Hope would turn her down. Finally, one day, when Hope had turned down signing a petition against anti-immigrant policy, and Hope had said,"Yeah, no. This isn't going to work. Not interested." Amy had sighed and said, "Why are you so..." Hope had looked at her carefully, in her denim jacket with its patches, her faded jeans that are always an inch shorter than usual, her worn and tattered Converse sneakers, her long hair and her eyes, brown and deep and disappointed and seeming to look deep in her soul.

"What?"she'd asked.

Amy had shaken her head. "Such a  pessimist? There's got to be more to this life than this thing you've got going...I mean...you could be so much more, Hope."

Something about what Amy had said had struck deep into Hope. She'd looked away, chastened but still defiant. "I'm a realist who dabbles in pessimism. Also, I don't really give a shit what you actually think, Amy."

Amy shakes her head and shrugs. "Suit yourself, dude."

As Amy moves away to corner Theo, Nick and Ryan and the others to sign her petition, shoving her clipboard and pen to them, paper flapping in the wind, Hope watches her, watches how passionate she is as she explains why they need to sign the petition. Theo, Nick and Ryan listen and nod and they are signing her petition before she even finishes and she sees her smile, sees her put a hand on her forehead, nod and smile her thanks. She glances at where Hope is sitting on a lunch table, feet on the bench, outside on the high school grounds. There's something about how Amy looks at her that slices through Hope:disappointment, frustration, a  desire to understand why she was the way she was. Hope stares back defiantly but Amy doesn't back down and Hope has to look away. She doesn't understand herself either, why she was like that with Amy but something about the way she'd looked at Hope, about what she said had cut through Hope and perhaps had gotten through. She's the first person to call Hope out on her shit. She'd been called out and she didn't know how to react. She'd spent that time thinking about what Amy had said. Had she really been such an asshole? Why was she being an asshole anyway? She didn't know. Maybe she was just one of the people who liked to watch the world burn.

Why had she been bothered by what Amy had said? Why did she feel slightly...ashamed? Like she wanted Amy's approval. She hadn't wanted to confront whatever the fuck she felt about Amy. So it became easier to just be mean to Amy, pretend she's just another teenaged girl hopped up on angst and teenage hormones.

The rest of the year she'd lain low, avoided Amy, avoided other people at school. Fuck it, she thought. She didn't care. She didn't fucking care.

***

But then fate pushes them together again. Ms. Fine's class again. Some shit about getting to know each other. Ms. Fine and her projects fucking seriously.  She didn't want to be paired with Amy, had told Ms. Fine, "Yeah, no, I'd like to do the project on my own, Ms. Fine."

Ms. Fine had shaken her head. "Uh-uh, Hope. It's your senior year. You've got to push yourself out of your comfort zone and do something different."

"Yeah,I don't see the point of this exercise, Ms.Fine,"Hope had said.

"No more questions,"Ms. Fine had said. "Get to work."

Gigi had leaned over then and said, "Oooh, Ms. Fine playing matchmaker."

"Shut the fuck up, Gigi, you're not even in this class,"Hope had said. "Go away."

"The heart wants what it wants, Hope,"Gigi had said enigmatically before disappearing.

Hope had watched as Amy approached her.

"So,uh, we're supposed to be partners?"Amy had asked, looking around at the others, Molly having been paired up with Tanner, Ryan with Nick, Anabelle with Theo.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Hope had asked.

"Telling you I guess.We're supposed to get to know each other first before..."

"Yeah, whatever."

***

So it's hard to ignore Amy. Amy with her penchant for always wanting to work on their project even if the deadline is still weeks away, with her need to make things democratic and collaborative, always wanting to meet up at the library for their project. Hope is perplexed. Even if she has been mean to her, Amy is still civil, even friendly, smiling and nice throughout all of Hope's snarky remarks.

When they meet at the library, Amy sitting close to Hope, listening to her as she jots down her thoughts about their project, smelling of her fruit-scented shampoo and body wash. She'd always smell nice, Hope remembers that. When they'd started dating, that hadn't changed.

Once, Hope had been late and Amy had been working on some of her Math homework. When she'd tried to glance at it, Amy had quickly covered her notebook.

"What's that?"Hope had asked.

"Um...just...homework for Ms. Fine's class?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

Amy had shrugged. "She told us to look for a poem that best describes how we feel right now...so..."

Amy had paused, and Hope had stood there, waiting, towering over Amy as she had blushed, the red crawling up her neck.

"Well, are you going to show me or shall we pretend this conversation never happened?" Hope had asked.

Amy had hesitated before she sighed and shoved her notebook at Hope. Hope takes a seat and reads the poem:

__"_ The Square Root of 3 _

_by Dave Feinberg_

_I’m sure that I will always be_

_A lonely number like root three_

_The three is all that’s good and right,_

_Why must my three keep out of sight_

_Beneath the vicious square root sign,_

_I wish instead I were a nine_

_For nine could thwart this evil trick,_

_with just some quick arithmetic_

_I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321_

_Such is my reality, a sad irrationality_

_When hark! What is this I see,_

_Another square root of a three_

_As quietly co-waltzing by,_

_Together now we multiply_

_To form a number we prefer,_

_Rejoicing as an integer_

_We break free from our mortal bonds_

_With the wave of magic wands_

_Our square root signs become unglued_

_Your love for me has been renewed..."_

Hope had stared at the poem, knitted her eyebrows, scrunched up her nose and said, "I don't get it."

Amy had blushed even harder. "Yeah. Um. I liked this poem, so..."

"I'm sure you do, nerd. This is like the nerdiest, dorkiest poem, ever."

"Ah...ha-ha...yeah, I guess," Amy had said.

"Nice outfit by the way,"Hope had said, of her jacket and jeans.

"Thanks."

"For once, you don't look like you dressed yourself blindfolded in the dark, with your eyes closed."

Amy had said, "Ah...ha...thanks...nice fringe jacket."

"I wear this all the time."

"Ah, yeah, right, sorry."

"Shall we start working on our project?"

"Yeah, sure."

***

When the project had been done and presented, Hope and Amy had gone back to being civil to each other, but Amy had thawed a bit towards Hope, smiling and nodding and greeting her with the occassional "Hey" when they passed each other in the hall, but then she'd noticed Amy staring at Ryan and overheard them talking about Ryan and Hope had thought, "Huh. She likes Ryan." She wasn't jealous or anything but she'd wondered about that, wondered, "Why Ryan?" She'd seen Ryan flirt with Nick when they think nobody's looking and Hope had rolled her eyes at that. Amy had to be the most clueless dork ever not to notice the way they made eyes at each other. She'd wondered why she's bothered by something as insignificant as Amy liking Ryan. She hadn't wanted to think too hard about it, didn't want to know what the answer to that was. So she'd pushed down those feelings content to just look at Amy with a passing interest, in Ms. Fine's class, at lunch time, during P.E. or assembly or homecoming or game or whatever event Crockett happened to be holding.

Watching Amy awkwardly flirt with Ryan was painful to watch. She'd cringe everytime she saw Amy try to talk to Ryan. It wasn't that she was interested. She just thought how lame and meek Amy was, unable to talk to Ryan and ask her out even if she was going to be inevitably shot down.

Then Nick's party happened. She'd come in late and realized how stupid and lame it was - Nick, Theo and Tanner being their idiot selves, doing dares and other stupid shit like eating ghost peppers and eating as many pizzas as they can and she'd realized how so different she was from them, how isolated and alone, how much like an outsider she was, always on the outside looking in.

As she watched people get drunker and drunker, she'd decided to hole up on the second floor, in one of the bathrooms, until she felt like going home. The second floor had been closed off to the party, with a big, yellow police tape and a sign that said it was off-limits.

She'd been smoking her joint, enjoying the peace and quiet when who else would enter but Amy. She hadn't expected Amy to come, and she'd been so surprised she'd said all those things to her, but she's also surprised that Amy pushes back, answers back, calls her mean, tells her she's already peaked. What she hadn't expected was for Amy to call her a basic hot girl and to kiss her after.

The kiss had surprised her. Surprised her so much she didn't know what to say. But something had finally clicked, something had dawned on Hope and when Amy had kissed her again, she had kissed her back, when Amy had reached for her jacket, she let her take it off, let her lead her to the bathroom floor and let her take off everything else. She'd felt a number of emotions then: surprise, shyness, anxiety, nervousness. She hadn't known what Amy would feel. But Amy looked at her differently that night. Like she wanted her. Liked her. Was interested in her. She looked at her like she used to look at Ryan. So Hope had felt a number of other things, too: excitement, anticipation, desire. Desire for Amy. She'd been surprised at that. She'd felt a surge for affection for this girl with her geometry and angles and everything else. Then she'd thrown up on her and the spell had been broken. She'd been pissed and upset but after she'd showered and dressed, she'd realized how much she wanted it to happen. How much she wanted Amy. She'd looked around the bathroom and seen Amy's underwear and shoes, and with a sigh, she'd picked them up, unsure what to do next.

She was leaving the party when she'd heard Amy had been arrested. She'd seen the video, and had rolled her eyes at her rant about the prison system. She hadn't expected her to make it to graduation the next day but like the other students, she'd been delighted she'd made it.

She'd debated going to her house after graduation, but she still had her underwear and her shoes with her. She'd gotten her address and went to her house, Amy's equally dorky father opening the door. He'd asked her to come in but she'd declined, opting to wait outside instead.

When she'd seen Amy's face again, in her dorky clothes and Birkenstocks, she'd been surprised at how her heart had leaped at that, and even surprised at how she'd felt seeing Amy smile at her, earnest brown eyes looking at her anxiously as she asked her if she was okay. Hope hadn't been good at words, was never her strongesr suit but something in the way Amy had looked at her as she apologized made her want to say the right things, so she'd tried to reassure her, that despite not knowing,she paradoxically knew what she was doing. Amy had awkwardly and nervously laughed at that, and the awkwardness had passed and Hope could see now how cute and adorable Amy really was as they chatted about what they were going to do in the summer. Then she'd surprised herself and Amy when she'd given Amy her number.  She didn't think she'd go through it, but she'd found it was easier than she'd expected. She'd spent an hour scribbling her number and some stupid line, crumpling up each paper as she felt each one was lame before deciding on what she finally wrote on  that piece of paper:

_(212) 555-7665,_

_√ 3 x √ 3 = 3_

Amy had opened that piece of paper and had been surprised at what she wrote, and had understood what she meant. Later, she'd tell Hope that was the single, cutest, smartest thing anyone had ever written her. "You got me at square root of three multiplied by square root of three equals three," Amy had said with a smile. Hope had grinned.

So they'd kept in touch, although Hope hadn't expected it to be anything more and had told her as much when she visited her in Botswana, even when they'd fallen in bed together. But they kept in touch, and Amy had even visited her in her dorm when she'd moved to New York to study in Columbia after her stint in Botswana. She hadn't thought anything would come out of it, even if they almost always ended up having sex everytime they saw each other. Hope had felt like their relationship had been purely physical and sexual. She'd wanted more but hadn't wanted to impose or ask Amy for more. When she'd turned down an offer to go home together for the holidays, she knew Amy had wondered about that, but Hope hadn't wanted to explain, wanted to cut ties with her. She'd tried to forget her, even tried to hook up with another girl, bring her back to her dorm. But she'd ended up sleeping on her anyway and then Amy had met her the day after. They'd had that argument after, both of them confused and unsure. When Amy though had gone to NYU to confess her feelings for her, Hope had been surprised then happy that Amy had felt the same. The past two years hadn't been smooth sailing but she'd amazed that not only does she have a girlfriend but that that girlfriend is Amy and that they're both happy and satisfied in their relationship.

And now Amy is in China, Hope has just graduated and for all intents and purposes, their future together looks bright and hopeful.

Hope falls asleep thinking about Amy and what the future had in store for them.

***

Amy misses America, misses her family and friends, but mostly she misses Hope. They have Skype dates, sure but it's not the same as being able to see her and touch her and hold her and kiss her. She is enjoying Shanghai, though. She 'd struggled with adjusting, to the city,  the people, the food, even the use of chopsticks, but because she could speak the language, and she'd already been out of the country before, it felt easier to adjust now. Plus the people at UN were great, and she had a co-worker, another intern, a Chinese American named Jane Lee, who had picked her up at the airport, dropped her off at her apartment, showed her around the city - downtown, supermarkets, restaurants, the park - oriented her on Alipay and wechat and how to pay online and how to get cabs and how to bargain and what to expect from the office. She'd done her research of course, but Jane had been very helpful. Weeks into her internship, she'd been adjusting quite well, helping translate some Chinese documents into English, explaining English documents into Chinese, helping sort out files, joining meetings and taking down notes, joining her boss when they'd go to rural communities for visits to see if the local governments had successfully integrated policies the UN had suggested they integrate into their framework. She and Hope still had to sort out time differences and Skype dates, and Hope had finally had some luck with the job hunting, doing some PA work at some local studio and apparently she's doing some modelling work now ("I know, lame but it pays the bills and I don't have to come in from 9-5, so it's fine," Hope had said) so they're fine. She's getting good feedback about her internship, too, so much so that one day, her supervisor, a mild-mannered, strict Ivy League man in his early forties, had said, "Hey, after you graduate, would you be interested in working here in Shanghai full-time? Possibly for at least the next one or two years? Maybe three if you do a good job?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this one. Cheers!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey! So sorry for the overly long radio silence and update. Been crazy busy. But here's the long awaited update. Happy reading!

Amy had not expected her boss to offer her a job so soon with still a year left before graduation. Her boss had liked her particular set of skills – particularly her proficiency with Mandarin and various abilities she picked up being in various clubs in high school and college. Her boss had particularly liked the ease with which Amy had easily adjusted to Chinese life. “Not many Americans can integrate as easily as you have to Chinese life. And certainly not someone as young as you. We’d be delighted to have you be part of our team, infuse some new blood in our organization…give us fresh ideas.”

Amy could not believe it. A dream come true. A job waiting for her after graduation, on the other side of the world, visa and accommodations to be taken care of, with a chance to see the world. She grows excited at the prospect of exploring Asia, of expanding her horizons, of seeing the world. Columbia, all her hard work now seemed worth it.

She could already imagine the pride in her parents’ eyes, when they find she’d been offered a job at the UN. She could already imagine Molly’s eyes bulging with excitement as she squeals in delight when Amy reveals the good news to her. She could already see the envy in her other friends’ eyes – to be given this opportunity at such a young age – it’s all she’s ever dreamed of and more. All her sacrifices, after school classes, clubs, weekends shunning socializing to study something new – self-defense classes, harpsichord, Chinese language lessons paying off. It’s what she’d wanted, hoped to achieve, now within her grasp.

So why is she reluctant? Why isn’t she as happy as she would have expected? Why does she feel confused? Anxious?

She knows why.

Hope messages her or calls her and she knows why.

***

She hadn’t expected to find something with Hope. That night at Nick’s party she hadn’t expected for anything to happen. On a whim, tipsy and upset, with nothing to lose, she’d kissed Hope. She’d been prepared to be rebuffed, worse, pushed away or even slapped or punched in the face by the normally snarky, aloof, bitchy girl. What she hadn’t expected was for her to kiss her back. Even more, what she hadn't expected was Hope liking her. And actually loving her. No, she hadn't expected that at all. What she hadn't expected further is that she loves Hope back.

And she’s happy with Hope.

She hadn’t expected that either.

And so when Hope calls her, she's torn and confused and she doesn't know what to do.  
And then Hope calls one  night and it confuses her even more.

***

Hope surprises her during a Skype call.

“Guess what?” Hope asks her.

“What?” Amy asks.

Hope shows a piece of paper between her long, tapering fingers.

Amy's heart stops and speeds up, her heart beating very fast. “What…what's that?” she manages to stammer, heart beating fast in her ears.

Hope notices the look on Amy's face and falters. She lowers her hand and smiles uncertainly. “It’s…tickets…to Shanghai…”

Amy slowly nods, taking this in, before saying, “Oh.”

They are both silent. Hope's smile disappears.

“Do…do you not want me to come?” Hope asks, suddenly disappointed.

Amy is shaking her head before Hope finishes her question. “No, no…”

“You don't want me to come?”

“Ah…haha…” Amy laughs nervously. “I do…I do want you to come, Hope…it's just…” Amy takes a deep breath. “It surprised me a bit…I…wish you'd told me first…?”

“Oh.” Hope thinks about it. “I’m sorry. I should've told you. Figured you needed a break…or something…” Hope's voice trails off, the smile on her face faltering.

Amy is already shaking her head. “It’s fine. I can't wait to see you. I'd love to see you.”

“Yeah?”

Amy grins. “Yeah.”

Hope quirks a smile. “Great. Come pick me up at the airport?”

Amy nods. “Sure.”

“Great. See you soon, babe.”

***

Amy picks Hope at the airport after a long wait. Hope's flight is delayed but when her plane finally lands and she emerges from the arrivals area in Shanghai, jetlagged and bleary-eyed, Amy's heart leaps out of her chest. When Hope spots her anxiously waiting at the arrivals area, and she slowly grins that grin that lifts one part of her lips, Amy’s heart starts to pound, feeling her breath being knocked out of her. As Hope slowly makes her way to Amy, Amy feels the excitement and anticipation. When Hope is already standing infront of her, tall and pretty as always, eyes bright and happy, Amy finds herself smiling.

“Hey, babe,” Hope says. “Sorry it took forever. Immigration is a bitch.”

Amy is shaking her head. “It’s fine," she says.

As she says it, Hope reaches out for her and hugs her. Amy is surprised at first, tenses under Hope's touch, but then relaxes into her embrace. Hope feels solid and real, smells like jasmine and angel's breath and Amy wants to hold her like this forever. But Hope lets her go quickly, realizing perhaps that they are in the middle of Shanghai airport and there are random curious looks being thrown their way. Amy knows Chinese people are too polite to do anymore than stare briefly their way but homosexuality isn't something that's considered acceptable in their society and so she is grateful when Hope withdraws. Thankfully she and Hope could pass for two straight girls, and Hope, with her supermodel looks, already has a few men throwing appreciative looks her way.

" So, what now?" Hope asks now, running a hand on her long, shiny hair, with a twinkle in her eye and a grin on her face.

"What do want to do?" Amy asks.

Hope looks her squarely in the eye and says, " You."

Amy blushes, feels the heat and desire between her legs and it's only a matter of seconds before she stammers, "Uh, ha-ha...that's...ha-ha..um..."

Hope chuckles. "Too fucking easy," she comments with a lop-siderd smile. "I'm actually beat, babe. Jetlagged and shit."

Amy smiles apologetically.

"The things I do for love," Hope continues and Amy feels slightly guilty again, thinking about the job offer. "Anyway, yeah. Home. Sleep. Bed." Then she looks at Amy again, leans over and whispers , with that characteristic look on her face, "Then maybe after..." She pauses, lets that sink in, waits for a beat and whispers, "I want you, in bed, naked all night long with your taste in my mouth and your voice screaming my name."

Amy's face is so red, her desire so palpable she is left speechless and staring at Hope as Hope straightens up, backpack in her hand as she says, face all innocent, "Shall we?"

Amy can only nor as she swallows and leads the way.

***

Amy watches Hope sleep in her bed. She'd left her passed out in her bed a few hours before and the other girl had been sleeping her jetlag the whole day. Amy had gone to work, opting to walk part of the way to give her some time to figure things out. Her boss had been generous and she hadn't expected a job offer this soon. It's all she's ever wanted. All she's ever dreamed of. It's the culmination of years and years of hard work, AP classes that were taken, study hours that went til long before midnight, parties skipped, dates and crushes that were ignored, clubs and other extracurricular activities that would look good on her college application and a 4.0 GPA that she'd worked to maintain for all of her school life. And now, to be in a UN office, working to make a difference, seeing the fruits of her labor in the flesh, is something that still amazes her.

Sometimes she still cannot believe she's here, with like-minded people, people who are committed to making a difference, people driven by something other than the material things that constantly enundated her in the US. Though her work was basically a glorified clerk, she didn't mind it because she was surrounded with intelligent conversations, not like the ones in school. Don't get her wrong - there are intelligent conversations, sure, but there were also inane conversations on who one would "fuck", "marry" and "kill", or went viral on instagram or who posted what or who dumped who or which Marvel superhero could kick Thanos' ass or whether the new Joker movie is any good or not. People here are preoccuppied with more serious issues - the Hong Kong protests, Syrian civil war, Brexit, the US-China trade war. Where before she struggled with these issues state-side, here she felt slightly inadequate, which she feels might be a good thing, as she feels like she's learning more and more everyday. She is sure if she accepts the offer, she'd learn more, gain more, be more. She knows taking on this job would open more doors than she'd imagined. That it would be too good to pass up. That if she turns it down she knows she'd regret it for the rest of her life.

But is it enough? It's all she's ever wanted. But is this still what she wants? She'd been pretty sure before, but that was before Hope. Before Hope came and showed her what life could be about. A job like this comes once in a lifetime, but a woman like Hope even more so.

And so her thoughts go on and on and on...

***

She comes home and finds her apartment all dark and tidy. She eats and showers and finds that at some point, Hope had gotten up, showered and gone back to bed. Her toiletries are laid out neatly beside Amy's sink, clothes folded up just as neatly on a chair by the bed, luggage on one side, and there, in the dark, in the middle of Amy's bed, buried in a blanket, is Hope, sound asleep and smelling of soap and shampoo. Amy quickly changes from her blouse and skirt to shorts and a shirt and tiptoes to the bed, carefully sitting beside Hope, watching her sleep. She looks beautiful, Amy thinks. She wants to reach out and touch her but is afraid of waking her.

But then, Hope stirs, wakes, eyes opening, and she turns to see Amy looking at her.  
Amy slowly smiles. "Hey."

Hope smiles. "Hey."

"Did I wake you?" Amy asks, anxious, as she slides down, lies beside Hope, facing her, resting her head on one hand.  
Hope shakes her head, slowly moves to face her, warm hand resting on Amy's naked thigh. Amy's free hand comes up to touch Hope's face.

"Hey," Amy whispers now, voice gentle and loving.

Hope's face softens. "Hey."

They stay silent for a while, just gazing at each other, before Amy slowly moves and kisses her. Hope moves to meet her,kisses her back. When Amy withdraws,Hope's eyes are closed, as if savoring the kiss. Amy's heart seizes at the image.

"I've missed you," Amy says then.

Hope smirks. "Yeah?"

Amy nods.

Hope slowly grins then as she rolls over on top of Amy. Amy readily accepts her with open arms, feels Hope's thigh press and slowly thrust against her groin as Hope leans over, hair falling over as she gently kisses Amy.

"How much?" Hope murmurs then as she starts kissing behind Amy's ear, then down to her neck, tongue slowly licking and sucking exposed skin, whilst she keeps a steady thrusting rhythm between Amy's legs, pressing just so to elicit a moan from Amy. She feels Hope gently push Amy's leg wider and Amy feels her body ignite, her body beginning to radiate with desire for her girlfriend.

Amy swallows, catches her breath, before she whispers, voice playful, "Do you want me to show you just how much?" Her hand snakes into the back of Hope's shorts, squeezes the skin beneath before Amy's hands are pushing the shorts down and Hope helps her.

Hope just grins then and kisses her, this time the kiss just a bit dirtier than the last before her hand snakes beneath Amy's shirt, rubs on one nipple, and whispers back "Maybe later," before she takes off Amy's top and her lips enclose one hardened nipple, licking and sucking as the other hand rubs the other nipple before Hope's mouth is also on Amy's other nipple, licking and sucking it so much Amy has to gasp even as Hope grabs Amy's shorts and underwear, pulls them down and tosses them away. Hope takes off her tank top and underwear, too and lays between Amy legs again as she showers Amy's body with kisses, her hand snaking between Amy's thighs to touch the heat and wetness within. Amy gasps, clutches at Hope as Hope continues to touch her between her legs, fingers gentle and probing.

"Fuck, I've missed you,"Hope groans in Amy's ears as she licks Amy's neck, voice full of need and desire. "So, so, so fucking much."

Just hearing her admit to it makes Amy's own desire flare even more and she moans into Hope's neck, hands and arms pressing Hope closer, warm naked skin to naked skin, as if to remind herself she's really here, in China, in bed with her. Hope keeps a steady pace between her legs, fingers at once gentle and urgent, working Amy up to the point where all she wants is Hope inside her. She thinks maybe she's moaned it to Hope, pleading with her. Hope can feel Amy so close to the edge and she doesn't stop kissing and licking Amy as she works her way down her body, fingers still caressing her to the point of insanity. As Hope's lips and tongue find their way in Amy's navel, tongue darting to lick her there, Amy licks her lips in anticipation, feeling Hope go down slowly on her, lips kissing her inner thighs achingly slowly as she puts them on Hope's shoulders, an arm snaking beneath Amy's waist to hold her down, the other caressing her between her thighs. Hope looks up at Amy then and waits. Amy nods, braces herself, but nothing prepares her for Hope's warm tongue on her, licking and sucking and teasing her to reckless abandon. Amy's head falls back and she moans, thrusting gently against Hope as Hope establishes a rhythm with her lips and tongue. When Hope thinks Amy can no longer handle it, Amy's breathing going faster and more ragged, her pelvis growing more erratic, her body twitching for desperate release, Hope plunges inside and it's like something bursts inside Amy and she feels the world fall away, sees stars infront of her, feels the wave of pleasure smash against her, wave upon wave of pleasure crashing into her as Hope continues to caress her with her fingers and tongue. As Amy's orgasm dissipates, Hope crawls up to her, hand still between her legs. As Amy welcomes her, holds her, kisses her, gently whispers "I love you," Hope stops, gazes into her eyes, eyes softening as she whispers, "I love you,too" before Hope continues to kiss a trail down her throat again, and Hope whispers "but we're not done yet" as she enters Amy again, making her gasp and move and writhe against her. "We're so not fucking done..."

True to her word, they stay up all night long making love and finally, finally, when she's inside Hope, she thinks she's made the right decision, Hope clutching at her and thrusting against her, riding her, her wetness and warmth and desire in Amy's lips and tongue as she licks and teases and sucks at Hope's core, Hope crying out her name over and over again amidst a string of "Fuck, that's good", "Fuck, don't stop" and moans and a "Fuck, Amy, I love you," as she orgasms on Amy'smouth and fingers. Then they fall asleep long after the sun is up and the city has come alive and Amy's uncertainties have flown away and Amy thinks maybe it's going to be alright.

***

It takes supreme effort to drag themselves out of bed. Amy particularly more so. Why go out when you can make love all day and all night with your beautiful girlfriend who flew halfway across the world to see you?  
"But you promised to show me around Shanghai," Hope says while they're still naked and in bed, mild amusement and a smirk on her face as she turns to Amy.  
Amy stares at her naked body and says, "Uh...ha-ha...yeah...that's...that's...right...I did...uh...promise that..." She openly stares at Hope's smooth skin, her naked breasts on full display, and the flesh between her legs that Amy wants to taste again so much so that it's making her mouth water and her body heat up with unbridled desire.

Hope rolls her eyes. "Babe, at some point, we need to go out and get some air, maybe some sustenance? A girl's gotta eat if we keep this up..."

Amy laughs.

Hope rolls over on top of her and kisses her. "I thought you loved me for my mind, not my body..."

Amy grins. "Can't I have both?"

"Fair point." Hope rolls away from her and sits up.

Amy watches her as she runs a hand through her long hair, stretches her body and gets up. Amy watches muscles flex as she does so.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Hope informs her. "You're welcome to join me, but later I want to see all these places you've been talking about...and maybe eat some of those noodles you've been raving about."  
As she makes her way to the bathroom, Amy gets up and follows her into the shower. It would take a while before they emerge from the shower, as Amy braces again for Hope's lips and tongue on her  and inside her beneath the shower, broad strokes making her come over and over and over again.

***

After a trip in Shanghai's subway, buses and taxis, amidst foot and car traffic, Amy manages to show Hope a few museums, a few galleries and even a random show at a random park, Amy leaning over, breath on Hope's neck, making her spine tingle, as Amy explains about Tai Chi, and energy and how everything is connected and how the Chinese have a different way of looking at things. Hope listens, fascinated, watches Amy's eyes light up, hands flying in every direction as she explains Chinese concepts to Hope. They stop by food stalls and restaurants and Amy has Hope try out Xiaolongbao, Shengjian mantou, crab, Mandarin fish, Chao Fan, noodles and dumplings. Hope struggles with the chopsticks and Amy patiently teaches her how to use them and were this any Western city,anyone looking at them, would know just by how Amy lovingly looks at her, by how she gives up teaching Hope and feeds her from her own chopsticks, affection in every movement, the laughter and soft, brief touches, the longing gazes, that these are two people very much in love with each other and when they get home there are long talks well into the night before an innocent touch, a kiss leads to another and everything becomes heated in an instant and then they're naked and writhing and thrusting and inside each other, coming upon wave upon wave of orgasms with smiles and whispered affections and promises.

Which makes Amy feel torn and guilty even more.

***

It all comes to a head when Jane, Amy's co-worker, invites them to dinner. The dinner goes well enough, with Amy and Jane ordering duck and pork and noodles and a seafood platter with green tea and sweets, but as they finish off their dinner with tea, Jane leans back then and says "How are you finding Shanghai so far?"  
Hope smiles at Amy then. "It's...great..." Hope pauses, searches for the right word. Hope is never one for words. She is a woman of few words. So she says, 'It's interesting. It's definitely different."

Jane nods and says "Oh, yeah. Definitely. Amy absolutely loves it here."

Hope raises an eyebrow, nods once and steals a glance at Amy. Amy stares down at her food, avoiding Hope's gaze. Jane had a way of speaking that made it seem like she and Amy were best friends, and not the colleagues that they actually are. But there's a brief, unmistakable look in Hope's eyes, something Amy sees now and then but she tries to ignore it.

"She's really into the artsy scene here, and loves the underground steampunk thing they've got going," Jane continues, oblivious to the shift in Hope's mood.

"Oh?" Hope just says, taking a sip of her tea.

Jane nods excitedly. "Oh, yeah, definitely."

She leans over, "She's digging the whole Shanghai scene actually. And her Mandarin's gotten so much better now."

Hope nods again.

Jane grabs her tea now, blows on it, studies Hope and Amy before saying, "It's a shame she turned down the job offer to work here full-time after graduation."  
Hope looks at Amy then, a curious look on her face.

"I mean, it'a probably going to be some crappy desk job, but it's the U.N. Nobody passes up a chance to work with the U.N."  
Hope looks at Amy. "Yeah, who would do that?"

Amy avoids her gaze, grabs her chopsticks and twirls food on her plate.

Hope doesn't say anything else for the rest of the evening.

***

When they enter Amy's apartment, Hope is still not speaking to her. Hope is civil during the dinner, but Amy had noticed the shift in her mood, the way she'd avoided Amy's concerned gaze, moved her thigh or hand away from Amy when Amy had tried to touch her. Amy had swallowed nervously when Jane had mentioned it. She's annoyed at Jane, maybe actually even pissed. She'd meant to tell Hope about her decision, but hadn't worked up the nerve just yet. And for Jane to beat her to it, to tell her girlfriend she'd turned down a job, has implications beyond just the rejection of a dream job Amy had mentioned to Hope at least once or twice. She should've told Jane, but they weren't friends and she'd assumed the story wouldn't go out. If truth be told, Amy hadn't wanted to tell Hope at all. They could go on in ignorant bliss and Hope would be none the wiser.  
Now Hope stands in the middle of Amy's apartment, not saying anything. Standing there, in the middle of Amy's apartment, Hope is heart-flutteringly beautiful and still apparently entirely ignorant of this fact. Amy's heart is pounding hard, not knowing what will happen next. For some strange reason, she's afraid of what will happen now.

"Hope?" Amy says tentatively. "I can explain..."

Hope doesn't say anything. She looks around at the apartment. At anywhere but Amy. Amy's anxiety is palpable now. There's a look in Hope's eyes that Amy is sure she hasn't seen before.

"Were you offered a job at the UN?" Hope asks.

"What? Uh...ha-ha...um..."

Hope gets impatient. "A job at the UN. Were you offered one?"

Amy looks down at her hands, which she realizes has been clasped tightly infront of her. She debates whether to admit it or deny it but then takes a deep breath and says "Yes."

Hope stands, looking at her, face expressionless. "And did you turn it down?"

"Uh...ha-ha...well...it wasn't exactly..."

"Amy..."

"Yes," Amy says. "Kinda...sorta..."

"And when were you planning to tell me this?"

"Um...soon?"

"Soon?"

"...ish...I was going to tell you...but..."  
"It slipped your mind?" Hope supplies.  
"Ah...ha-ha...no?" Amy laughs,nervously. "I was going to tell you...eventually..."

"Eventually."

Hope says it so monotonously, so flatly, eyes unreadable, Amy could see the old Hope, the Hope from high school, mean and bitchy and cold, resurface. This monosyllabic Hope scared her.  
"Hope...you're freaking me out,"Amy tentatively says, watching Hope carefully." Are...are you freaking out?"

Hope studies her, before she shakes her head and says, "No."

"'Cause...'cause you're...you're freaking me out,"Amy continues, nervously runnning a hand on her long hair. "I...I didn't mean for you to find out this way...I didn't even know she knew...I was working up the courage to...bring it up to you...but where was I going to...organically bring it up? In the middle of sex when you were going down on me?"

Hope just looks at her, notices how upset she's being and her eyes soften and she encloses Amy in an embrace. She holds Amy for what seems like ages, before she kisses her gently on the lips and says "It's fine, babe. It's fine."

'You're not mad?"

Hope shakes her head. "No."

Amy looks at Hope then. She looks like she is about to say something more. Hope sighs, untangles herself from Amy, sits down on Amy's bed and says, "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me on this. Another update is coming. Thanks for reading. Cheers!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh...this...is a bit heavy maybe? You've been warned. Read at your own risk.

  
Months later, when Amy's done burying herself in her senior thesis and her papers and exams and other requirements, and she's done marching on that stage to get her diploma and she's on the next flight to Shanghai, boarding pass and passport in one hand, waiting at the gates, when she's done crying and being depressed and missing her, when she's done trying to forget her, she will finally have a few moments to herself and think about how that conversation could have gone differently...

***

"What do you mean take a break?" Amy had asked then, a knot forming in her stomach and a lump growing in her throat, the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "Are we breaking up?"

Hope sighs again. "I..."

"Because that sounds like what you want..."

"Babe, you chose to turn down a once in a lifetime gig for me," Hope patiently explains then.

Amy is shaking her head. "I'm not..."

Hope looks at her, clearly not believing her.

"No, seriously. I didn't turn it down for you," Amy says.

Hope doesn't say anything, just looks at her.

"I mean, it's so far from the US and my family, and I'd feel homesick and..."

"You lived in Botswana for a year, babe..." Hope points out.

"Yeah but that's...different," Amy says, lamely, realizing as she is saying it that she's just arguing herself into a corner.

"How is it different?"

"It...it just is, okay?"

"Wasn't this like you're fucking dream or whatever?" Hope asks now, eyes shrewd and narrowing, boring into her soul. "I mean what were those meaningless protests for and those arrests for but to finally get to a point where you can be a part of something that could make a difference?"

"So...you're not mad?"

Hope looks at her, incredulous and exasperated. "Fuck, no. Why the fuck would I be mad my girlfriend's gotten a job offer in this economy? And she hasn't even graduated?"

Amy sighs out a relief. "Oh, thank god. 'Cause I thought you were pissed..."

"No, I am still pissed."

"Oh."

"But not about that."

Hope lets this sink in. Amy nods.

"I see."

Hope shakes her head. "No, you don't, babe."

"I'm not following."

"Babe, you have this bad ass opportunity to work for an organization you've clearly drooled over and had nerdgasms for a long time," Hope explains. When Amy starts to protest, Hope says, "Don't deny it, you nerd. I know the other thing that you love as much as you love me...or love more than me, I guess...is wanting to make a difference in the world. Or some such shit." Amy smiles at that. "And I'm cool with that. I think it's awesome you've found your calling at such a young age. And I'm kinda actually proud my nerd ass girlfriend is interning at the UN. And maybe working at the UN, soon. So good job, babe."

Amy grins. "Uh...ha-ha..thanks, I guess?"

Hope takes one of her hands then. "But what I didn't like was you going off and turning it down because of me..."

"I didn't turn it down for you," Amy insists, "I mean...I just told you why...please see, re: above, and I'm almost pretty sure there will be other opportunities in the future."

"Dude, I've checked the statistical possibilities of getting into the UN," Hope points out. "Their acceptance rate is much lower than Yale and Harvard. You've gotta have graduate degrees and be speaking Chinese..."

"Mandarin..."

"Yeah, Mandarin or French or Spanish and have, like, mad skills sets to get accepted,"Hope points out. "which you have. And which is perfect for the UN. So why are you dragging your heels on this?"

"But what about us?" Amy asks softly.

"what about us?"

"I mean," and here Amy swallows, feeling like she's jumping off a precipice with nothing but the clothes on her back and certain death below. "I want to be with you...If I accept this...I... don't know how long the placement will be...I mean...yeah, I know it could be six months to a year, but it could be extended, it could be longer...I don't know if that's going to survive our relationship..."

"Babe, that's my point..."

"What?"

"You're making your choices based on me. On us. On our relationship..."

"Hope..."

"Last time I checked it takes two to make a relationship work and you don't get to decide what's best for us..."

"That's...that's not what I'm doing..."

"That is kinda what you're doing," Hope points out. "The Amy I know would fight for that job...the Amy I know would kill for that job..."

"Maybe that's not what I am anymore..."

Hope looks at her, then looks down at her lap. She looks up again then and searches in Amy's eyes. "I was going to ask you to move in with me..."

"What?"

Hope nods. "Yeah. Move in with me. Like live with me. Like pack your stuff and bring them to my place, and make a room for your stuff in my closet and space and whatever serious shit move in with me..."

Amy slowly smiles.

Hope shakes her head. "And I had this image...in my head where like we'd be this gay couple living in New York for like forever with our favorite side of the bed, and a favorite mug and a take out place we get our Chinese food from and a date night and a movie night and shit like that and we'd celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year together with your family and mine and Molly fucking Davidson because she's fucking part of the family now doing her best to blueball me when she can and then years and years later when you're successful and all that I get to, like, pop the question or whatever and we get married and your family and mine and Molly fucking Davidson's gonna be there and it'd be great and we'd have the fucking matching wedding rings and it would be fucking awesome..."

Amy smiles. But she feels the tears well in her eyes. Hope is building up to something, she can feel it, it's the most Hope has spoken so far and she senses a decision has been made for her, for both of them.

Hope grabs both of Amy's hands then. "And I know, I'm pretty sure, I'm gonna make you so fucking happy...so, so fucking happy..."

The tears are blurring Amy's vision now.

"And everything's gonna be fucking awesome because I married the person I love and all that, but," and here Hope pauses, and there's a sadness in her eyes. "It's a fucking fantasy, isn't it? And it's a great fucking fantasy. But...there's real life...there's you...with your whole fucking future ahead of you...and then there's me, Amy, there's me..."Hope takes a deep breath then. "I haven't figured out stuff yet. I mean, yeah, I have a degree and all that but I honestly don't know what to do and it's freaking me out a bit but that's fine because I know I'll figure it out sooner or later...but you...you've got everything figured out and stuff, babe, and you're fucking throwing it all away...for me...and that's bullshit..."

"Hope..."

"Babe, don't get me wrong. I love you." Hope pauses then, and says it again, this time, her voice softer, stronger, saying it with all the sincerity she can muster, willing Amy to believe it with all her heart. "I love you. Like I've never loved anyone before. And I always want what's best for you. And all I want is to make you happy."

"You do make me happy."

Hope smiles, sadness in her eyes. "I know, babe. But if you don't take this now, you'll always wonder what if, and if things go to shit, you're going to start blaming me, even hating me for making a decision like this...and I don't think I can live with that...so if you turn this down now, I don't know if I can forgive you for turning your back on your future."

Amy is crying now. "What about us?"

Hope voice cracks then. She tries to speak, swallows, shrugs and says, "I love you. That's not going to change."

"I love you, too."

"But who we are now, might be different from who we will be next year...and you're gonna meet people and find stuff you'd have in common and learn and grow from them and I'm gonna be the same...and I don't exactly know if after you come back I'd still be what you want. Or if I'd be enough for you. Or what we have is enough..."

"Hope..."

"I'm holding you back," Hope blurts out then, "Molly had already said you're too good for me. That you're not good enough for me."

"But I think you are good enough for me, Hope," Amy says then, silent tears running down her face.

Hope shakes her head then. "I know you think I am. But believe me, I'm not yet. And I want to be that person for you but...I just don't think I can be right now."

***

Amy could not remember everything else that they'd talked about. What she does remember are the tearful goodbyes, the promises to keep in touch, to try to fight for the relationship, to try to make long distance work.

And they fought valiantly for their relationship.

They had Skype calls and emails and chats and letters. But then Hope started getting more gigs - production assistant here, photoshoot there, a side project on weekends, and then Amy started getting busier, too and it got harder and harder to schedule Skype calls, got harder and harder to return calls or texts or to remember anniversaries. As they both get swept up in day-to-day activities, it gets harder to maintain their relationship, too.

Once Amy comes back from her internship, she quietly decides to move back to Columbia and rent a room, a move that Hope supports.

They still loved each other, that much is clear but they also both knew then something had changed. A decision had been made. A sadness had swept over both of them, knowing a change had happened.  
They still see each and call each other but they feel themselves growing apart, having less and less to talk about, their conversations punctuated by awkward silences.

Hope attends her graduation, supports her decision to accept the job offer in China, against Molly's and her own parents' objections, supports her move to China but then when it's time for her to go, Hope says then, "I think that's it for me Amy...I don't think I can..."

"Hope..."

"Goodbye, Amy..."

  
***  
Amy thinks about it now and feels like crying. She misses Hope. Misses Hope so much. Still loves her. Deep inside she knows she's right though. She couldn't just throw her life away over this. Even if it does feel like Hope is the one, the one she loves her whole life. She owes it to herself at least to find out what else is out there for her.

The PA announces her flight then and she gets up, determined look on her face.

As she enters through immigration she doesn't see the commotion behind her - a tall, slim beautiful, long-haired girl arguing with the TSA, accompanied by a shorter, chubby girl, eyes bulging with desperation gesturing wildly at Amy's back, and a another girl, pretty, medium height, in shorts and a messy bun, lips pursed, annoyed look on her face as she glares at the two girls, the TSA and Amy's back.

As the three girls are led away by security personnel, the tall girl looks back wistfully at the gate, but Amy is gone and she turns around and hangs her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. There's probs gonna be one more chap and this story is done. Cheers!


	11. Chapter 11

Amy arrives at the party, nervous and jittery. She'd just come from New York, and before that, Shanghai and she'd landed at LAX with mom, Charmaine fussing all over her and dad, Doug making lame New Year's eve jokes. She'd been too tired and jetlagged and anxious to care but nod and smile and look out the window and watch the city flash by.

At one point, in the lull between the music playing on the radio and her dad's lame jokes, Charmaine mentions the New Year's Eve party Nick, George and the others have organized at Nick's place. She'd heard about it. Apparently Jared, Gigi and a couple of the other kids (Theo? Tanner?) had agreed to fund the party, with George agreeing to plan and organize and Anabelle and Molly helping out. With the level of organizing happening, it almost feels like an informal reunion of the class of 2019. She sighs. It's the last thing on her mind right now - partying on New Year's Eve like everything's okay.

Her mother interrupts her. "Is...is...Hope going to be there?"

Amy feels like someone just knocked the breath out of her. More than a year after she'd asked Amy to choose Shanghai over her, Amy still feels her heart flutter at the mere mention of her. They still keep in touch, on Instagram, but the Skype calls and messages had stopped, it had been too much arranging Skype dates with the time difference and their individual time schedules. With Hope's new job as production assistant ("60k on an NYU education to be a PA at 30 Rock, yay!" Hope had said once) and Amy's job, it had been hard to keep the relationship. They never really broke up, but their relationship stopped being one the moment they both made that choice for Amy. So they're stuck in limbo, slowly drifting apart. Amy supposes she should move on, she's almost pretty sure Hope has moved on, pretty girl like her could easily get anyone (she feels a flare of jealousy at that) but Hope had not posted anything new on Instagram or Snapchat. Not like she'd do something like that, though. Amy's almost pretty sure Hope's not posting anything out of consideration for Amy. In fact, Hope hasn't been posting anything at all. It bothers Amy that she doesn't know what's going on with Hope, aside from the snippets of news from Molly and Anabelle. Amy closes her eyes, leans her forehead against the glass, takes a deep breath. She misses Hope. Misses her a lot. Misses their time together. Misses their long talks. Misses her company. Misses just being with her. Misses knowing wherever she is, she could still find her way back to Hope's open arms. Misses the way Hope held her, kisses her, teased her, laughed at her jokes. Hope accepted her for all she was and is and never asked her to be anything else. Amy sighs. There's no denying it anymore. She still loves Hope.

She swallows the sadness down and says, "I don't...I don't know..."

She feels the car slow down, realizes they're home. Her father had been silent the whole trip and has now stepped out of the car, car keys jingling in his pocket as he makes his way to the front door of the house. Her mother doesn't move though, sits on the passenger side in front of the car. After a silence, her mother speaks up.

"You really care for her, don't you?" Charmaine says softly, head bowed down, before she looks up, stares at the blue skies.

Amy nods, but then realizes her mother can't see her so she says, "Yeah. I...I love her mom."

Charmaine sits there, not saying anything. There seems to be a realization dawning on Amy's mom then. Looking at her daughter, distraught and depressed since she and Hope had drifted apart. There'd never been any confirmation. Amy had never introduced Hope as her girlfriend and they'd never asked. Amy had come out a few years ago and as far as Charmaine knew hadn't had a girlfriend. She'd been spending so much time with Molly that she'd thought Molly was her girlfriend, but she'd realized later on that nothing had been going on between them. But Hope...Hope was different..The moment she'd showed up at their doorstep, Charmaine knew from the way Amy had blushed and couldn't stop smiling afterwards that Hope was special to Amy. That Molly couldn't stop teasing her about Hope when she thinks Charmaine and Doug aren't listening has made Charmaine put two and two together. Amy rarely confides in her, especially once she hit puberty and even more when she came out.It's like Amy had retreated into herself, turned away from her family, became more secretive when she came out. Charmaine understood of course, she'd been a teenager herself. Teenagers have always been secretive and confided to their friends more. Charmaine was okay with that. But she missed Amy. Missed the young Amy who'd come home excited to tell her about her day, the stars she got, the A+ she'd get in class, the friends she'd made. But starting Junior High, Amy had retreated into herself. Had changed. As most teenagers are wont to do. But Hope coming into her life had changed that a bit. Amy smiled more, seemed happier, eyes filled with delight whenever Hope was around, or when she called Amy when Amy was home. That there seems to have been a rift between them and is tearing apart Amy apart is breaking Charmaine's heart.

Charmaine swallows. "I...I think she's a wonderful young lady."

Amy looks up, surprised, at her mother. "You do?"

Charmaine nods, smiling, fighting back the tears, glad Amy cannot see her.

Amy seems relieved. Charmaine sees Amy smile on the mirror. Amy leans forward then, hugs her mother as Charmaine puts a hand on her arm.

"We...broke up,"Amy says then, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, honey,"Charmaine says, turning and Amy cries.

***

Amy takes a deep breath, fidgets in her dress as the cab drives way. She could hear shouts of laughter, the steady bass beat from stereos, strobe lights and the tinkling of glasses.

She slowly approaches the front door and is greeted by the door bursting open and a long-haired guy flying out of the door in a skateboard, screaming and laughing his head off. Amy barely manages to duck as the guy flies above her and lands with a thud on the pavement behind her.

"Seriously?!?"she shouts and the guy turns and it's Theo.

"Sorry, dude!" Theo shouts as Theo skates away.

Amy rolls her eyes as she brushes dirt away from her dress. "Fucking seriously, Theo," Amy mutters as she brings out her cellphone to text Molly.

As if on cue, another person emerges from the house, flushed and wide-eyed and excited, screaming when she saw Amy by the door.

"Amy!" she shouts, bounding up to her and hugging her, squeezing her tight. "You're here! You made it!"

Amy smiles. "Yeah."

"Howwasyourflight? Whattimedidyougethere? Didyoueat? Wouldyoulikeadrink? Beer? Ashotoftequila? Abunchofusaredoingkaraokedoyouwannajoinus? SomeoftheothersarewatchingNeilGaimanonAmazon..." Molly says in quick, tipsy fashion.

Amy peers into Molly's eyes. "Are you drunk?"

Molly shakes her head vigorously. "No. Just a bit tipsy."

Amy shakes her head. "Mol..." But molly just grabs her arm and pulls her inside. She announces, "Hey, look what the cat dragged in!"

There's a lull in the music, all the chattering stops, people look up from phones, and look at Amy. Some nod, some smile, some wave, some don't have any expressions at all. Then the music continues, the chattering resumes and someone shoves a glass of beer in Amy's hand. Amy chugs the beer and someone shoves another beer in her hand. Someone, Gigi, bounds up to Amy, hugs Amy and kisses her on the cheek, announces she's glad Amy's come and disappears. Molly is taken away by Nick and the others and Amy is left standing alone awkwardly standing there sipping her red solo cup, looking around at people dancing and jumping and shouting to music, popping pop corn and hors d'oeuvres and chips into their mouths and chugging beer and wine down their throats. There are too many people, the place is crowded, only half of them familiar and Amy is overwhelmed, doesn't know what to do.

There's a familiar song playing in the stereo and the crowds part, and there at the opposite end of the room, she sees her: tall, fair-skinned, beautiful. Hope had on tight jeans, a silk, white blouse. She is wearing a necklace. She is long-waisted and thin, long, glossy hair parted to one side.  
Amy feels like her breath has been knocked out of her. She feels as if things have slowed down, sees Hope running a hand on her hair, tossing her head and listening to someone talk, cup in one hand. She sees Hope tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.  
Amy stands there, paralyzed, unsure what to do. Does she walk up to her and talk to her? Or does she leave her alone? Anyway, what was she going to say to her girlfriend if she does come up to her? She feels her hands clam up and sweat, feels her legs turn into rubber, feels the butterflies flutter in her stomach. She hadn't seen Hope in months and yet it takes only one look at her, across the room to make Amy feel like she's unravelling.

"Fuck," Amy whispers, unable to breathe, feeling heart beat very fast. She gulps down her drink and someone shoves another bottle of beer towards her. She blinks, feels herself sway a bit, feels a bit of a buzz in her head.

She closes her eyes, thinks it's a dream. When she opens her eyes, Hope is gone. Amy's heart sinks. Maybe she'd just dreamed it. Hope never liked parties. She'd only gone because of Amy. She'd only go to lock herself in a bathroom and smoke weed til the cops come and break the party up.

She looks around. Looks at the faces. Most were unfamiliar. Most were as young as her. The house itself is unfamiliar, probably one of Nick or Jared's rich relatives. The house is massive, a mansion, with large windows and rooms, marble floors, marble top counters, expensive paintings and carpets, a massive, well-lit swimming pool at the back, immaculately trimmed front and back lawn and trees.

She looks around and realizes she really doesn't want to be here. She wants to go home, sleep on her bed, stay in bed til New Year's Eve is done and go back to work. She tries to call a Lyft but realizes her cellphone is dead. She sighs and decides to go up on the second floor and see if there is any available room where she can charge her phone.

***

Up the second floor, it feels like a different world, empty and deserted. She walks around, checks the rooms, and sees one farther away from the party. She enters it, sees no one there, searches for a socket and starts her phone.

She sets her phone down by the bedside table and sits on the bed.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

***

The voice nearly gives Amy a heart attack. She turns, heart beating, recognizing the voice.

"Hope," she says softly, looking at the figure seated on the sofa near the window. So she hadn't just dreamed Hope. She really is here. Amy swallows.

"Nick's aunt has a fucking infinity pool outside," Hope says, motioning to the pool outside, water reflecting on her face.

Amy slowly approaches her and smiles uncertainly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know this room was taken. I'm gonna go."

As she turns to go, Hope asks, "How was your flight?"

"It was...okay," Amy replies carefully.

"How's the job?" Hope asks, tilting her head to the side.

Amy shrugs. "It's...okay. Not what I thought it was..."

"Yeah?"

Amy nods. "Yeah."

"Thought it was all you ever wanted?" Hope asks, standing up and walking towards Amy.

Amy shakes her head. "It's not what it's all cracked up to be."

Hope says, "Yeah?"

Amy nods. "Yeah." She takes a deep breath. "What's the point of having your dream come true if..." Amy pauses, hesitates, looks up at Hope and says, quietly, "If you're not...with me?"

Hope studies her face in the darkness. She doesn't say anything at first. But then Amy sees a hint of a smile slowly lighting up her face. "That's...that's the cheesiest line I've ever heard..."

Amy blushes. "Uh, ha-ha..I know. It's lame. Fuck. I'm sorry. I..."

But Hope leans over, places both hands on Amy's cheeks and kisses her. The kiss goes on for a long time. Amy slowly puts her hands around Hope's neck. When Hope draws back, Amy can see Hope smiling.

"I heard you asked to be transferred to New York,"Hope whispers.

"I heard you tried to stop me at the airport," Amy whispers back.

'I heard you emailed me hundreds of lame poems that kept going to my spam mail," Hope says.

"Yeah, it was lame, I'm sorry about that..."  
Hope cuts her off and kisses her. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."

Amy grins. "I heard you're still in New York..."

Hope grins. "Yeah, in case my girlfriend comes back."

"Girlfriend?" Amy asks. "Thought there was somebody else?"

Hope shakes her head. "No. There never was."

Amy clears her throat. "Okay. Look...Um...I made a mistake... I was an idiot...I shouldn't've let you go."

Hope smiles. "I was stupid, too. I'm sorry. Clearly we were both stupid about this."  
Amy kisses her again and Hope kisses her back.

"I love you," Amy whispers.

Hope smiles back. "I love you, too."

Amy leans over again and kisses her, feeling like her heart would burst with happiness. Later, they make love in the privacy of a hotel room all night long and they realize just how much they love each other. In the morning, waking up with Hope's arms around her, the other woman naked and sleeping soundlessly beside her, Amy realizes this is what she wants: sleeping beside Hope, waking up beside her, spending the rest of her life with her. She can see herself, with clarity and certainty, spending her life with Hope, she sees herself marrying Hope, having a simple wedding, moving in together, figuring out payments and a family and careers. They would have a dog and go on holidays together, join family dinners together, do everything together. Amy later on, goes to get her master's and doctorate at Columbia, Hope moving from PA to assistant editor, to editor, to assistant producer to assistant director to director and executive producer. There will be problems and challenges along the way, and there will be times when they think they wouldn't be able to make it, but Hope and Amy do make it and for the most part live a happy, fulfilling married life. They are,  that first and foremost, best friends first then lovers next, staying in love with each other for the rest of their lives. Right now watching Hope peacefully sleeping beside her, Amy can see that this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this story. Hope you enjoyed reading it. Cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> Come check me out at wattpad.😊


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